Who Is The Biggest Arsehole In Scottish Football?

[Toby]

Hot on the heels of last summer’s “Who Is The Biggest Arsehole To Have Played For Morton?” thread, I feel it’s time to expand.

I’ll admit that I’ve bumped this idea and adapted it from TheGoon, who started a Twitter thread last night about footballing accounts that should be ignored. However, I’ve slightly adjusted it and feel that, with a couple of exceptions, this audience should provide a more educated response.

The ground rules I’ll lay out are as follows:

Candidates are only eligible if they have been born in Scotland, have played for Scotland, played for and/or managed a Scottish club, been a prominent figure in the Scottish Mainstream Media or had any other significant role in the game (i.e. agent, chair person, SFA or SPFL Chief Executive). Anybody to have played for, or represented Morton in any way is ineligible.

I’ll give everyone a week or so to debate this before whittling it down to a final 20, starting a poll and eliminating folk as the votes come in until we get our undisputed champion (although I still dispute that Dean Matthew should’ve seen off James Grady last year).

If there’s any doubts about eligibility, I have the final say, as it’s my baw, so I’m going home with it if I’m not happy.

Anyway, I’ll provide three starters to mull over and then the rest of you can put forward your own proposals;

Craig Burley
A guy who’s actually had very little involvement in Scottish football in his career, only spending two years at Celtic, but notably helping end Rangers’ dominance in the ‘90s. He’s also the last Scotland player to score and be sent off at a major tournament, the red card coming after dying his hair and looking like a complete fanny.

It was however his role as a pundit for ESPN at the early part of this decade that his “personality” came to the fore, constantly belittling the standard of Scottish football in order to draw attention to himself, whilst covering Third Division games, but not treating early season FA Cup ties with the same disdain, in spite of the similar standard. When I see Chris Sutton getting criticised for his views on Scottish football, in spite of his attempts to research and talk up our game, I always think back to the time this prick was relevant. Be careful what you wish for.

Roger Mitchell
Most on here will remember him, but I suspect some younger guys may not be quite so aware of this tit. The first Chief Executive of the SPL, he did of course have a job to do and that was to look after the top flight clubs. He did manage to fuck up a TV deal demanding too much money from SKY, which helped lead to Motherwell and Dundee going into administration. It’s not all bad then.

Noted for telling us that, whether we like it or not, Scottish football is about Rangers and Celtic, and nothing else, his Twitter is also a good laugh. The bold Roger was on top form this week, entering the debate about the GOAT. Whilst us uneducated types have been lauding the likes of Ronaldo, Messi, and going back a bit further, Maradona, the bold Roger threw a curveball into the debate- a guy that apparently never gets mentioned in spite of his brilliance. You might have heard of him- Pelé. Whit?!?!?

David Tanner
Okay, I know he’s from Gourock and sometimes says nice things about Morton, but that’s where the link ends. It’s usually patronising anyway so fuck him.

Tanner started on Scotland Today’s Sport’s Desk in the ‘90s and stuttered and stumbled his way through cringeworthy programme after cringeworthy programme without ever being binned, and 20 odd years later is still kicking about, although thankfully not in such a high profile role as he had at SKY until the end of season 17/18.

He’s another whose Twitter account shows up how stupid he is- after slaughtering Diego Maradona for his coke habit during the last World Cup, he was delighted to promote events that he was hosting with such noble role models of the Scottish game such as Paul Gascoigne and Claudio Caniggia. I suppose it’s okay if you’re making a few quid out of it though. Bellend.

I have deliberately left out Sandy Jardine for AyrshireTon’s benefit.

Over to you lot.

[EanieMeany]

Davie Weir. An absolute fuckin banger of a man who got torn to bits by a postman then stomped off in a huff when his manager rightly gave him pelters for it yet still somehow gets lauded as some sort of good egg. A disgrace of a "professional".

 

Also Gordon Strachan for just being a monumental bell-end and abject failure who talked his team down at every turn. At least Levein has made slight amends by pissing off Celtic supporters at every available up opportunity.

[TONofmemories]

Owen Coyle. Prick

[TaunTon]

Davie Provan. Total cvnt who outcvnts aĺl other cvnts.

[RealTonKid]

Mark McGhee.

 

Moany monotonous mope.

 

Edit: Forgot he played for us. I always think of him as a sheepshagger/tim.

[Guest capitanus]

Mark McGhee.

 

Moany monotonous mope.

 

Edit: Forgot he played for us. I always think of him as a sheepshagger/tim.

There is no shortage of arseholes who have played for Morton over the years. Just because he once played for Morton doesn't give him some kind of immunity.

 

Anyway,

 

Michael Tidser deserves a mention. As does Dave McPherson, Ally Maxwell, Stuart Graecen, Bertie Auld, Andy Goram, Nacho Novo, Fernando Ricksen, Warren Hawke, Andy Ritchie and loads more...

[Guest capitanus]

Not to forget James Grady.

[Toby]

There is no shortage of arseholes who have played for Morton over the years. Just because he once played for Morton doesn't give him some kind of immunity.

Anyway,

Michael Tidser deserves a mention. As does Dave McPherson, Ally Maxwell, Stuart Graecen, Bertie Auld, Andy Goram, Nacho Novo, Fernando Ricksen, Warren Hawke, Andy Ritchie and loads more...

Them’s the rules, dickhead. I’ll review the Morton category next summer and we can do each in alternate years. Until then, deal with it.

[LargsTON]

There is no shortage of arseholes who have played for Morton over the years. Just because he once played for Morton doesn't give him some kind of immunity.

 

Anyway,

 

Michael Tidser deserves a mention. As does Dave McPherson, Ally Maxwell, Stuart Graecen, Bertie Auld, Andy Goram, Nacho Novo, Fernando Ricksen, Warren Hawke, Andy Ritchie and loads more...

Michael Tidser and especially Stewart Greacen should be nowhere near such a list.

[Guest capitanus]

Them’s the rules, dickhead. I’ll review the Morton category next summer and we can do each in alternate years. Until then, deal with it.

Oh I'm very sorry, I never realised you had rules.

 

Anybody to have played for, or represented Morton in any way is ineligible.

 

 

My bad.

[Toby]

Oh I'm very sorry, I never realised you had rules.

 

 

My bad.

Yes, I do. Next.

[Guest capitanus]

Yes, I do. Next.

Aye very good. Don't use my words, use your own.

 

Next.

[TRVMP]

Davie Weir. An absolute fuckin banger of a man who got torn to bits by a postman then stomped off in a huff when his manager rightly gave him pelters for it yet still somehow gets lauded as some sort of good egg. A disgrace of a "professional".

 

Also Gordon Strachan for just being a monumental bell-end and abject failure who talked his team down at every turn. At least Levein has made slight amends by pissing off Celtic supporters at every available up opportunity.

 

Strachan in particular is just a genuinely loathsome person.

[BishopBrennan]

Nacho Novo could have secured a podium finish it we didn't make an arse of it in the relegation season.

 

Alan Hanson is an unbearable cunt. Paul Lambert, Neil McCann and Barry Ferguson wouldn't be out of place either.

 

My nomination is Steven Pressley.

[Alan_Partridge_Ton]

Jimmy Bell

[irnbru]

Michael Tidser and especially Stewart Greacen should be nowhere near such a list.

Aye, Greacen was a limited player but seemed like a good guy.

[Alan_Partridge_Ton]

Jock Stein, for turning a blind eye.

Good man. Good Protestant. I was a member of the same lodge as him for a while.

[Guest capitanus]

I've never liked Tommy McLean, is he eligible?

[Toby]

I've never liked Tommy McLean, is he eligible?

Nah, managed Morton. Jimmy Bell’s the best shout so far imho.

[Alan_Partridge_Ton]

Nah, managed Morton. Jimmy Bell’s the best shout so far imho.

I’m..... Batman!