pedro.mcghee Posted January 5, 2007 Share Posted January 5, 2007 is made from I am dyslexic and I am getting tired of your shirt Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mortonjag Posted January 5, 2007 Share Posted January 5, 2007 is made from pure tit... First they ignore you, then they laugh at you, then they fight you, then they pretend to befriend you, then you win! YER BARD Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pedro.mcghee Posted January 5, 2007 Share Posted January 5, 2007 pure tit... me or the pen ??? I am dyslexic and I am getting tired of your shirt Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mortonjag Posted January 5, 2007 Share Posted January 5, 2007 me or the pen ??? ....pure titanium but nobody at Scapa was able to find such a rare instrument until Arthur stumbled over........ First they ignore you, then they laugh at you, then they fight you, then they pretend to befriend you, then you win! YER BARD Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
puggsy_ton Posted January 5, 2007 Author Share Posted January 5, 2007 from his titanium mining expeidition in brazil over the new year and said... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lazy_ar*e_student Posted January 5, 2007 Share Posted January 5, 2007 His name was Rico, he wore a diamond He was escorted to his chair, he saw Lola dancin' there And when she finished, he called her over But Rico went a bit too far, Tony sailed across the bar And then the punches flew and chairs were smashed in two There was blood and a single gun shot But just who shot who? WHEREVER IT TAKES US- WHATEVER IT TAKES Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Bewilderedbeast Posted January 5, 2007 Share Posted January 5, 2007 It was Montgomery Burns who had been shot, but Dougie was still looking for a suitable writing implement and.. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HMS Willow Posted January 5, 2007 Share Posted January 5, 2007 rubber to erase this whole thread Hoewever us fans had other ideas and...... Some sing of Celtic, Rangers And some of Motherwell Of Hibs and Partick Thistle And other teams as well But of all the famous football teams There’s one that they’ve forgotten With a Ra Ra Ra and a Cha Cha Cha IT’S THE FAMOUS GREENOCK MORTON Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lazy_ar*e_student Posted January 5, 2007 Share Posted January 5, 2007 like a duracell bunny we kept going on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on, until... WHEREVER IT TAKES US- WHATEVER IT TAKES Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Bewilderedbeast Posted January 5, 2007 Share Posted January 5, 2007 the 'Ton recieved a massive sponsorship deal from BIC. So.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
puggsy_ton Posted January 5, 2007 Author Share Posted January 5, 2007 ...he got as many free cheap pens as he wanted, btu he yearned for a top of the range Parker pen so.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HMS Willow Posted January 5, 2007 Share Posted January 5, 2007 That he signed Scott Parker behind the manager's back !!! Then...... Some sing of Celtic, Rangers And some of Motherwell Of Hibs and Partick Thistle And other teams as well But of all the famous football teams There’s one that they’ve forgotten With a Ra Ra Ra and a Cha Cha Cha IT’S THE FAMOUS GREENOCK MORTON Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lazy_ar*e_student Posted January 5, 2007 Share Posted January 5, 2007 to make him settle more quickly into Greenock asked all the Greenock Gals like Geordie Gals not to wear any jackets, but even worse he changed the Morton strips to Black and White Stripes, the morton fans were enraged by this and... WHEREVER IT TAKES US- WHATEVER IT TAKES Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HMS Willow Posted January 5, 2007 Share Posted January 5, 2007 Bought Killie strips instead but just until...... Some sing of Celtic, Rangers And some of Motherwell Of Hibs and Partick Thistle And other teams as well But of all the famous football teams There’s one that they’ve forgotten With a Ra Ra Ra and a Cha Cha Cha IT’S THE FAMOUS GREENOCK MORTON Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pedro.mcghee Posted January 5, 2007 Share Posted January 5, 2007 Saterday when I am dyslexic and I am getting tired of your shirt Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Capuan Posted January 5, 2007 Share Posted January 5, 2007 the tide came in bringing gallons of... I have no signature Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Bewilderedbeast Posted January 5, 2007 Share Posted January 5, 2007 Eldorado, which had fallen from the deck of a container ship during the recent high winds and....... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Capuan Posted January 5, 2007 Share Posted January 5, 2007 A short summation of the definitive greenockmorton.net best seller novel: One fine Christmas morning Dougie Rae opened his present from McInally and was shocked to find it was pencil sharpener. Dougie was thrilled because he didn't have a pen handy and needed a sharp pencil to sign off yet another cheque for us to purchase a striker who used to play for Celtic's Under-18s. However, he hides a terrible secret which is that he has a vast selection of bad secrets that if discovered would not be secrets anymore........ However this striker became Morton's leading scorer and led them all the way to the spl where they qualified for the champions league and won it that year thrashing chelsea in the final 3-0 before being stripped of the title because it was discovered that Chris Templeman breached the height limit for a human being. The raging Templeman claimed that it wasn't his fault because when he was at Brechin, he got stuck in their quagmire of a park one night at training and couldn't move for three days. Apparently some of the horses from the adjacent field had s*** in the spot he was standing which resulted in him growing from 5'1" to 6'4". But because of a loophole in the Human Rights Act meant tall people could not be discriminated against, the league title was re-awarded to Morton who moved to sign a munshkin from City of Oz FC to show they were are an equal opportunities club However the Munshkin failed to settle and was quickly transferred to Dumbarton and changed his name to Craig Britton. So he was put on the rack to try and make him tall enough to see over the top of a football. This was again slammed by human rights groups but no-one gave a s*** because they slam everything. Craig reached almost 3 feet in height before he, in a horrific change of profession, became Scotland's number 1 midget porn star. This career was cut short due to crack in the mouth. Meanwhile back at Cappielow, Dougie helped Cappy hand out Sweetys to the kids when Cappie was jailed for his involvement in distributing a bad batch of Millions. The honourable chairman claimed it was all down to fun world moving in next door to his factory therefore a ritual burning of Fun World was ordered. Sadly, the fire spread to Dougie's Millions and The Golden Casket factory which unfortunately engulfed Dougies total cash stash in flames. This shortage in cash demanded that some players were offloaded to Elgin so they could hump sheep like everyone else from up there, creating a breed of football playing sheep/human hybrids. Sadly, Chris Templeman's sheep was again in breach of the rules as it was 8 foot tall. Big Chris was punted from Elgin back to Morton on a free along with the giant mansheep which Archy McPherson used as a coat but the man sheep used archies eyebrows as a scarf instead. Unfortunately the sheep couldn't stand being closely associated with a blithering idiot so it topped itself. Archie was inconsolable until he realised that he could use it's still warm carcass to disguise himself as a black faced ewe so that he could sneak up behind Chic Young and give him a good wash with bleach and a wire brush, which burnt his baldy wee napper, but he didn't care a jot as he was so overjoyed at the news Paul Le Guen had left the ****. Meanwhile, Chicken outfits were given to the Morton fans to wear as a joke to wind up the Kilmarnock fans ahead of the Cup tie. All the Morton fans got one apart from me as I've got a giant cockatiel called Chet. When you hold a lighter under his feet he sings Christmas songs, when you hold a lighter under his danglie bits he sings "Chets Nuts Roasting On An Open Fire" so loud that you can't hear the tanow in the Shed playing the birdie song and all the players go deaf as its so loud and cant hear mcinallys orders to do the dance to the birdie song, in order to confuse the Killie defence into joining in. Morton eventually win the match 2-1 and get really mad when they see they got the same old thing for the win but Dougie is too busy sharpening pencils with his pressy to even notice, so Deano pulls out his weapon and fires a shot which flies right passed dougie's face and it hits his sharpener destroying it to the extent that he uses wee Paul McGowan's napper to write out several episodes of Dream Team. Fortunately McGowan took a rubber from his pocket and erased Largston's comments to enable the story to be continued… "You've got a heid like a pubic wig!" is shouted at the Killie goalie as he combs his hair in the dressing room whilst blowing Jim Jefferies for 50p and a smile but the smile didn't come easily on the face of the ayrshire tattie picking manager due to the fact he is very difficult to please. He demands yet more effort from the exhausted lad little realising that after a long hard day in the fields the guy was too knackered to play footy so he went home to rest and promptly fell asleep and dreamt about playing for the famous Greenock Morton. Suddenly he awoke to a loud knock at his door from Santa who said to him, "You've been a very naughty boy, i have come here to bring you some coal and a very expensive, top quality, Vandanel Morton strip." The young Killie goalkeeper then proceeded to tell Santa to insert the strip up his bum as that's all it was good for. However he did tell Santa that next year he wanted a whole new Nike morton strip which had all the mod-cons of the top league teams strip. To this demand Santa responded "Ho Ho Ho Ya Bastard" The goalkeeper became quite surprised Santa used this type of language and proceeded to hit Rudolph's nose and made it even bigger and redder than that alky bastard Gordon Daizel's who beginning to resemble Santa after years of drinking Ginger Wine left out for him by children. As for poor Rudolph all he used to get was stale carrots and the odd apple. Rudolph was so fed up he decided to shove one of his carrots in one of Barry Ferguson's orifices. This calamity caused Barry to go in the middle of the dressing room, the misplaced carrot having caused uncontrollable diarrhea. Andy Millen is also s***e by the way Meanwhile back at Cappielow the disagreement over the broken pencil sharpener was still causing much controversy. The honourable 'El Supremo' clearly he can no longer write cheques unless he has a pen that writes cheques on its own and was made from pure titanium. This was most unfortunate as nobody at Scapa was able to find such a rare instrument until Arthur stumbled over from his titanium mining expedition in brazil over the new year and said: "His name was Rico, he wore a diamond He was escorted to his chair, he saw Lola dancin' there And when she finished, he called her over But Rico went a bit too far, Tony sailed across the bar And then the punches flew and chairs were smashed in two There was blood and a single gun shot But just who shot who?" It was Montgomery Burns who had been shot, but Dougie was still looking for a suitable writing implement and rubber to erase an obscure thread which had popped up on greenockmorton.net However the unhappy fans had other ideas and like a Duracell bunny continued to go on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on, until the 'Ton received a massive sponsorship deal from BIC which promised the immediate delivery of as many free cheap pens as he wanted. This prospect did not excite the chairman as he yearned for a top of the range Parker to allow him to sign Scott Parker behind the manager's back !!! To allow this random signing to settle more quickly into Greenock he asked all the local Gals like not to wear any jackets. This was taken too far when he changed the Morton strips to Black and White Stripes. Enraged by this the morton fans bought Killie strips instead but just until Saturday's tide came in bringing gallons of Eldorado which had fallen from a container ship during the recent high winds. THE END!! I have no signature Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Bewilderedbeast Posted January 5, 2007 Share Posted January 5, 2007 THE SEQUEL There was so much Eldorado at Cappielow that it was gifted to the media. Chic Young got so pished that he exclusively revealed........... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lazy_ar*e_student Posted January 5, 2007 Share Posted January 5, 2007 Prior to his execution, Saddam Hussein had been offered to commute his dealth penalty to become Rangers new manager, however he decided to retain his dignity, although... WHEREVER IT TAKES US- WHATEVER IT TAKES Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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