Jump to content

K K Kelbie

Member Since 12 Dec 2016
Offline Last Active Yesterday, 06:10 PM

#1111640 The KKK Bin Pub Review Thread

Posted by K K Kelbie on 21 February 2019 - 04:42 PM

KKK Bin Pub Rereview - The Carnock Bar


Off the back of recent events myself and CartoonHead jumped in for a pint or two before the game on Saturday. After horsing him with a 9 dart finish at the board I began to notice a few improvements made on the back of our previous review:


TV - now showing all the football on a 'who's paying? who the ****'s asking?' basis.

wine list - The Carnock has clearly listened to our feedback and now boasts Scotland and Greenock's own El Dorado as part of a fully hand-poured selection of drinks behind the bar. Optics can get to **** in this establishment. 


Like the Michelin guide, the KKK Review is happy to revisit our scores when new heights of bin excellence have been achieved. The Carnock therefore earns an extra special K to take it to the top of our revised standings:


The Carnock - 4Ks/3

The Hole in the Wa - 3/3

The Thistle (d.) - 3/3 (under review)

The Willow - 2.5/3

The Green Oak - 2/3

The Star - 2/3 (visitors' lounge) -3/3 (bhar)

The Cardwell - 1/3

The Cloch Bar - 0.5/3

  • 2

#1107653 The KKK Bin Pub Review Thread

Posted by K K Kelbie on 07 January 2019 - 09:24 PM

The Official Bin Pub Leaderboard


The Thistle - 3Ks/3 (dead like Rangers)

The Hole in the Wa- 3/3 

The Carnock - 3/3 (dead like Rangers)

The Willow - 2.5/3

The Green Oak - 2/3

The Star - 2/3 (visitors' lounge) -3/3 (bhar)

The Cardwell - 1/3

The Cloch Bar 0.5/3

  • 1

#1107652 The KKK Bin Pub Review Thread

Posted by K K Kelbie on 07 January 2019 - 09:16 PM

The KKK Bin Pub Review no. 8 - The Green Oak Bar


Named after the tree that gives this fine metropolis its name, The Green Oak was a solid fixture of the bin pub scene until it went mysteriously on fire in the middle of the night in 2016. Unlike many bin pubs that are no longer with us - such as The Carnock, The Argyll and The Thistle (d. Dec 2018) in recent months alone - The Green Oak has been tarted up and reopened anew. The insurance company must feel so proud.




Gone is the smell of twenty years of stale pish from the toilets. In comes decoration and a return of the bottom section of the pub, which was a closed-off 'here be dragons' wing during the last petrol spilling days of the old version. Now you can get a drink in both rooms but the bottom one is trying to specialise in gin and Prosecco. So stay in the binnier section at the front. 


Drinks: Your standard generic lager and cider choices on tap. Well priced at about £1.80 for a big boy measure of Glens' finest. No tonic wine available so that's a mark off right there. 


Food: N/A which is how it should be. 


Entertainment: No football shown unless it's on council telly. A raucous karaoke runs on several nights of the week though.


Rating: 2Ks out of 3. No purging by fire can stop the Green Oak from remaining a bin pub. Some crucial period features of the old hovel have been lost though, so it doesn't get close to the star prize. It earns an official KKK thumbs up for a pit stop but better bins are still out there. 

  • 1

#1103981 The Bitching Thread

Posted by K K Kelbie on 02 November 2018 - 04:54 PM

Speaking of wrong uns:


Gordon the Groomed


Reputation: ~ -1 million 














  • 2

#1103976 The Bitching Thread

Posted by K K Kelbie on 02 November 2018 - 01:45 PM

I thought that there were some rules to banter on here, but clearly for some there aren't. I know several of the 'clique' to see/by name (most in fact, been pointed out to me by a couple of other posters that know them), but I wouldn't put their names on a message board, as I think it's a pretty w*nkerish thing to do.


The 'weans hating' comment I guess is supposed to annoy me, but knowing how I get on with my kids... I can just about cope with it. It's just more out of bounds w*nkerish behaviour. Bottom line, if it bothered me in the slightest I wouldn't be here...


I do know that I've had a bit of a chuckle to myself when I've walked past these 'bully-boys' at Cappielow.  :bag:  :geek:


Thats strange as I don't believe we've met. Why don't you come and say hello at the game tomorrow? I'll be at the Sinclair Street end under the clock as usual - ask for big Kev. 

  • 1

#1101911 Championship 2018-19 Thread

Posted by K K Kelbie on 30 September 2018 - 05:16 PM

Call me paranoid 


Don't forget gullible, thick and groomed as you're all of them as well. 

  • 1

#1099118 The KKK Bin Pub Review Thread

Posted by K K Kelbie on 29 August 2018 - 07:24 PM

The KKKelbie Bin Pub Review #6 - The Cloch Bar


One from way back in the heatwave when yours truly headed down from the Raploch for the weekend. The Cloch Bar is under new management which has given it some poncey name which won't grace this review. This was not a good sign. 




The interior lacks the period features - plaster crumbling off the walls, an open ceiling - to stand out in this hotbed of true bin pubs. The main selling point is of course the view out to across the Firth of Clyde but this is spoiled in areas by trees which they should have cut down. Scandal of the century is the fact that they've failed to add a ****ing beer garden which defeats most of the purpose for visiting. 


Good: The Cloch Bar has remained loyal to the Gourock standard of big boy measures. It claims to have the major sports channels but no event took place during the KKKelbie review.


Bad: It serves food and is more interested in this than being a bin pub - as catastrophic an error of judgment as not having a beer garden. The prices are not in fact cheap - £2.70 for a vodka with a dash of coke - and unlike the Cardwell they insist on providing only the legal maximum rather than hand pouring. There is no wine list at this establishment. 


Rating: 0.5Ks/3. Had potential to be a truly great bin pub only for the owners to get ideas above their station and make an arse of it. It appears to be directly competing with The Cardwell as a pub that does food, but The Cardwell's measures trump this place easily. Its drinks' selection and prices are in the same bracket as The Station Bar further down the coast, but this establishment has none of the authentic bin pub features. This place is largely pointless then and should be treated only as a pit stop if you've finished your carryout at Lunderston Bay and are heading into the Metropolis. 

  • 1

#1098520 The Bitching Thread

Posted by K K Kelbie on 18 August 2018 - 09:18 PM

Look at you, gallus as fúck on the internet but probably the biggest pússy on the forum. 


No that award goes to the groomed moron who couldn't show his face in The Norseman for the Dundee United play-off game, hours after his jakey handler got humiliated in court. :lol:


You still owe CartoonHead a pint for that. Pay up dickhead. 



  • 3

#1098411 The Bitching Thread

Posted by K K Kelbie on 15 August 2018 - 04:37 PM

They must be crap Celtic supporters if they don't even know their team is playing.

Gordon the Groomed is a crap Morton supporter who is too busy with nappy changing duties to go to games. It must run in the family.
  • 1

#1098279 The Big 2018-19 Squad Thread

Posted by K K Kelbie on 14 August 2018 - 04:28 PM

Give it up cap. Put your puppets back in the cupboard. Most of us are fed up with this pish


Who is this dick and what's he slevvering about now? Answers on a postcard please to:


K K Kelbie

1 Big Mags' Crescent

The Raploch


  • 1

#1097359 Thread About Ex Player

Posted by K K Kelbie on 03 August 2018 - 06:21 PM

New threads posted every other day with no other purpose than to antagonise the sick blogger have no place in here.

Linwood & Capt. have become two cheeks of the same arse, and their craic is foul.

Christ how many people must have died to make our resident Sutcliffe the moral compass of the forum?

And have a red dot for being a grown adult not from Ireland that uses the word ‘craic’.
  • 3

#1094674 The Big 2018-19 Squad Thread

Posted by K K Kelbie on 21 June 2018 - 09:48 AM

And some will wait until the season starts before going into full hard on mode.


The only thing you're waiting on right now is for your groomer to feed you a new line and then tell you to wipe the pish off his Slazenger trackie bottoms. 



  • 3

#1093971 The Big 2018-19 Squad Thread

Posted by K K Kelbie on 13 June 2018 - 07:45 PM

:lol: No, I won't be trawling back a year to find it.


It was at the same time as I suggested that Quitongo was a pish striker.



  • 3

#1093968 The KKK Bin Pub Review Thread

Posted by K K Kelbie on 13 June 2018 - 07:34 PM

The KKK Bin Pub Review #5 - The Thistle Bar


Firstly, readers who aren't clued up on the comings and goings of Greater Greenock's thriving bin pub scene will be wondering: where the **** is 'The Thistle Bar'? 


A: The Thistle is a bin pub on the site of the former Lynedoch Bar, which did a Rangers after either i) sectarian-based violence in the premises or ii) running a series of 'special' opening times and being caught by the pigs a few years ago. It doesn't open for the new-fangled 'derby' matches involving the bigots - which leaves this magnificent bin pristine for the rest of us during the year. 








Good: As the picture suggests, the owners of The Thistle are trying very hard to make it something more than a bin pub - a super fun karaoke bar to be precise. But just like you can't take the Big Mags effect out of a Raploch wean, you can't take the 'bin' out of what used to be the ****ing Lynedoch either. When popular with the locals, the pub feels like its always one spilled pint away from a mass rammy. Which is exactly how it should be. 


The owners best intentions pay off in the service, which is undoubtedly the best available even by Greenock's magnificent standards in watering holes. Big boy measures of Smirnoff cost a mere £1.50 with pints at £2.50.  In return, guests are able to watch the football on Sky as well as BT Sport without having to use some buckshee box that the owner of the pub took out of a skip the night before, as well as having use of a pool table. At the moment they're flogging Tennents at £2 a pint and a Glens with dash for £1.40 - making it by far the cheapest pub in the town that doesn't serve Tiger.


Bad: Nothing to report from the official KKK visit. 


Mixed: The pub doesn't have an authentic wine list - El Dorado or Buckfast in their rightful storage conditions - but it does offer the inferior, English swill as part of a Bucky-bomb for £1.50. The official KKK Bin Pub Guide is agnostic about this situation. 


Rating: 3Ks out of 3. Offering all required amenities for a low price, big measures and a taste of malice in the air, The Thistle wins a hearty KKK stamp of approval as a bin pub. Anyone who chooses to trot along to the James Watt or even worse, that Tail of the Bank monstrosity instead of taking the brief detour up to it from Greenock's Golden Mile needs to take a long hard ****ing look at themselves. But the owners of The Thistle are making an effort - which means that for all its impeccable bin qualities it hasn't built up the character features that separate the best bins of all from the rest. Close but no cigar. 

  • 7

#1093588 The Big 2018-19 Squad Thread

Posted by K K Kelbie on 09 June 2018 - 07:14 PM

Hopefully Admin will do the right thing and get rid of the riff raff.


I agree. Seeing as your groomer has already been permanently banned from the forum it's high time that his puppet was purged as well. 


  • 3