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K K Kelbie

Member Since 12 Dec 2016
Offline Last Active Jan 07 2019 09:24 PM

#1107653 The KKK Bin Pub Review Thread

Posted by K K Kelbie on 07 January 2019 - 09:24 PM

The Official Bin Pub Leaderboard


The Thistle - 3Ks/3 (dead like Rangers)

The Hole in the Wa- 3/3 

The Carnock - 3/3 (dead like Rangers)

The Willow - 2.5/3

The Green Oak - 2/3

The Star - 2/3 (visitors' lounge) -3/3 (bhar)

The Cardwell - 1/3

The Cloch Bar 0.5/3

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#1107652 The KKK Bin Pub Review Thread

Posted by K K Kelbie on 07 January 2019 - 09:16 PM

The KKK Bin Pub Review no. 8 - The Green Oak Bar


Named after the tree that gives this fine metropolis its name, The Green Oak was a solid fixture of the bin pub scene until it went mysteriously on fire in the middle of the night in 2016. Unlike many bin pubs that are no longer with us - such as The Carnock, The Argyll and The Thistle (d. Dec 2018) in recent months alone - The Green Oak has been tarted up and reopened anew. The insurance company must feel so proud.




Gone is the smell of twenty years of stale pish from the toilets. In comes decoration and a return of the bottom section of the pub, which was a closed-off 'here be dragons' wing during the last petrol spilling days of the old version. Now you can get a drink in both rooms but the bottom one is trying to specialise in gin and Prosecco. So stay in the binnier section at the front. 


Drinks: Your standard generic lager and cider choices on tap. Well priced at about £1.80 for a big boy measure of Glens' finest. No tonic wine available so that's a mark off right there. 


Food: N/A which is how it should be. 


Entertainment: No football shown unless it's on council telly. A raucous karaoke runs on several nights of the week though.


Rating: 2Ks out of 3. No purging by fire can stop the Green Oak from remaining a bin pub. Some crucial period features of the old hovel have been lost though, so it doesn't get close to the star prize. It earns an official KKK thumbs up for a pit stop but better bins are still out there. 

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#1105188 Scottish Cup Draw, East Fife v Morton

Posted by K K Kelbie on 27 November 2018 - 10:30 PM

A wee visit to deepest darkest Fife in the next round. Luckily your new unofficial fan travel officer is here to provide some key advice for the travelling support:


- look out for a known, elderly groomer in the area who has been known to prey on victims such as 'Gordon', a middle aged man from Linwood who hasn't been seen in weeks


-  if you see a jakey in their Slazenger tracksuit bottoms lurking around the local Keystore with their scabby greyhound, don't offer to buy them their next half bottle of Thunderbird. Let nature take its course.




- last but not least enjoy a balanced meal at one of Fife's most prestigious restaurant chains




I'm going to enjoy this cup tie.  :thumbup2:  :drink:

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#1104892 Random Pictures of Frogs

Posted by K K Kelbie on 18 November 2018 - 02:30 PM

Is it time to look out the passports?
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#1103981 The Bitching Thread

Posted by K K Kelbie on 02 November 2018 - 04:54 PM

Speaking of wrong uns:


Gordon the Groomed


Reputation: ~ -1 million 














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#1103976 The Bitching Thread

Posted by K K Kelbie on 02 November 2018 - 01:45 PM

I thought that there were some rules to banter on here, but clearly for some there aren't. I know several of the 'clique' to see/by name (most in fact, been pointed out to me by a couple of other posters that know them), but I wouldn't put their names on a message board, as I think it's a pretty w*nkerish thing to do.


The 'weans hating' comment I guess is supposed to annoy me, but knowing how I get on with my kids... I can just about cope with it. It's just more out of bounds w*nkerish behaviour. Bottom line, if it bothered me in the slightest I wouldn't be here...


I do know that I've had a bit of a chuckle to myself when I've walked past these 'bully-boys' at Cappielow.  :bag:  :geek:


Thats strange as I don't believe we've met. Why don't you come and say hello at the game tomorrow? I'll be at the Sinclair Street end under the clock as usual - ask for big Kev. 

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#1102733 Watering holes pre-match

Posted by K K Kelbie on 18 October 2018 - 06:39 PM

How's it s***e exactly?


A glorified Harvester offering overpriced pints from Belhaven's s***e selection, food to families with a bunch of screaming weans in tow and taking fifteen minutes to make a ****ing coffee for some old wifeys is a terrible option compared to Greenock's range of fine drinking holes. 

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#1102696 Watering holes pre-match

Posted by K K Kelbie on 18 October 2018 - 10:52 AM

The Old Bank is the best in the toon for pre match pints and the fitba.



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#1102618 Watering holes pre-match

Posted by K K Kelbie on 17 October 2018 - 06:10 PM

Go to the Hole in the Wa - next to be featured in the KKK Bin Pub guide - or the ones already featured and rated well. Or be adventurous and choose the Comet up in the dirty wee Port instead. 

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#1102617 Watering holes pre-match

Posted by K K Kelbie on 17 October 2018 - 06:06 PM

The Willow


Old Bank

Chaplins (do a free pint with a seaon card)


All above are frequented by Morton supporters on matchday. Obviously you have the Jimmy Watt as well. 





The Lighthouse is as dead as Rangers on a Saturday lunchtime too - and theyre particularly dead.

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#1101911 Championship 2018-19 Thread

Posted by K K Kelbie on 30 September 2018 - 05:16 PM

Call me paranoid 


Don't forget gullible, thick and groomed as you're all of them as well. 

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#1099118 The KKK Bin Pub Review Thread

Posted by K K Kelbie on 29 August 2018 - 07:24 PM

The KKKelbie Bin Pub Review #6 - The Cloch Bar


One from way back in the heatwave when yours truly headed down from the Raploch for the weekend. The Cloch Bar is under new management which has given it some poncey name which won't grace this review. This was not a good sign. 




The interior lacks the period features - plaster crumbling off the walls, an open ceiling - to stand out in this hotbed of true bin pubs. The main selling point is of course the view out to across the Firth of Clyde but this is spoiled in areas by trees which they should have cut down. Scandal of the century is the fact that they've failed to add a ****ing beer garden which defeats most of the purpose for visiting. 


Good: The Cloch Bar has remained loyal to the Gourock standard of big boy measures. It claims to have the major sports channels but no event took place during the KKKelbie review.


Bad: It serves food and is more interested in this than being a bin pub - as catastrophic an error of judgment as not having a beer garden. The prices are not in fact cheap - £2.70 for a vodka with a dash of coke - and unlike the Cardwell they insist on providing only the legal maximum rather than hand pouring. There is no wine list at this establishment. 


Rating: 0.5Ks/3. Had potential to be a truly great bin pub only for the owners to get ideas above their station and make an arse of it. It appears to be directly competing with The Cardwell as a pub that does food, but The Cardwell's measures trump this place easily. Its drinks' selection and prices are in the same bracket as The Station Bar further down the coast, but this establishment has none of the authentic bin pub features. This place is largely pointless then and should be treated only as a pit stop if you've finished your carryout at Lunderston Bay and are heading into the Metropolis. 

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#1098520 The Bitching Thread

Posted by K K Kelbie on 18 August 2018 - 09:18 PM

Look at you, gallus as fúck on the internet but probably the biggest pússy on the forum. 


No that award goes to the groomed moron who couldn't show his face in The Norseman for the Dundee United play-off game, hours after his jakey handler got humiliated in court. :lol:


You still owe CartoonHead a pint for that. Pay up dickhead. 



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#1098411 The Bitching Thread

Posted by K K Kelbie on 15 August 2018 - 04:37 PM

They must be crap Celtic supporters if they don't even know their team is playing.

Gordon the Groomed is a crap Morton supporter who is too busy with nappy changing duties to go to games. It must run in the family.
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#1098279 The Big 2018-19 Squad Thread

Posted by K K Kelbie on 14 August 2018 - 04:28 PM

Give it up cap. Put your puppets back in the cupboard. Most of us are fed up with this pish


Who is this dick and what's he slevvering about now? Answers on a postcard please to:


K K Kelbie

1 Big Mags' Crescent

The Raploch


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