vikingTON

Mixed* news from our former players down south today. David 'Hoppy' Hopkin continued his abysmal start as Bradford manager by losing 2-1 at Doncaster in what is presumably a seventh-grade version of a local derby - think of it as the Montrose-Forfar of Yorkshire football. Since being given the job Bradford have lost three straight league games and are now deep in the relegation zone. Despite the shrill, whining support of Dr. Zhivago and the apparent relevance of his very big deal 'business interests' in the local area, I'd give 'Hoppy' three or four games to turn things around sharply or else the notoriously impatient weirdos running that club will be giving him the sack. Sad!* Meanwhile in League Two, Sir Gavin Gunning expertly marshalled the Forest Green Rovers' defence to a 1-0 victory over Crawley Town. The Gloucestershire side are now the only unbeaten team left in the division and moved into the promotion play-offs with the win; leaving Sir Gavin's former sides Port Vale and Grimsby trailing in his wake. Not bad going for 'a snake Irish tinker' - as the head tax advisor at HMRC, chief executive at Endemol and lead codebreaker at Bletchley Park who used to post on here once infamously described this prince among men. *

Mark Russell will have got an excellent view of Falkirk’s massive fanbase this afternoon, as he was sitting in the stand after being left out of King Snake’s match squad. Two snakes punished for the price of one. Gutless shitebag Joe McKee did make the cut, acting as a midfield lynchpin in the way that only he knows during their insipid, 0-2 defeat.

Salford will scoop up hundreds of the FCUM roaster fanbase each year, like the common, gloryhunting hypocrites that they are. Then when Salford happily go down the pan safely 95% of them will slink back to Old Trafford.

On the topic of utterly gubbins and pointless clubs that The Famous Must Take Serious Lessons From, I see that Davie McArthur's hipster choice FC United of Manchester are currently stinking out the Conference North in the sixth (lol) tier of the English leagues - they sit second bottom of the table and have already gone through one manager this season: https://www.bbc.co.uk/sport/football/national-league-north/table Who would have predicted* that running up the scores in the diddiest of English leagues like a souped-up Gretna wasn't actually a groundbreaking and sustainable model for building a football club; not least when they're now up against all the much larger clubs who have done a Rangers that are ten a penny at that level. *

Another evening of utter humiliation for the pointless bin of western Europe known as 'Belgium' after Anderlecht got SWORDED by Spartak Trnava in the hosts' first ever group stage match: https://goals2.matchat.online/embed/Y8MBn9Qe5b Disband Belgian football and the fake country that it comes from while we're at it. Sad!

It's a 46-game league campaign and Bielsa's teams are normally breathing out of their arse in the second half of the season due to his style of play. Let's see how they're looking in February.

Nacho Novo has applied for the Raith Rovers job. A vile human being for a horrible, little football club - this one gets my seal of approval.

At least Russell would have got plenty of time to to count footballing behemoth Fakirk's massive crowds while being absolutely sworded by The Famous' reserve team.

Regular viewers will of course note that Zhivago has quietly ditched his similar insightful criticism of Chris Millar's attributes, after said player demonstrated his class by banging in both goals in The Famous' win last weekend. Is Zhivago a bona-fide moron? Yes, absolutely.

He’s chosen to burn that bridge and so must be left to deal with the inevitable failure that comes with disrespecting The Famous. Sad!

A week of utter failure for terrorists and their sympathisers was rounded off by Feyenoord joining Celtic in crashing out of a European competition, losing 5-1 to minnows Trencin over two legs. Meanwhile in the unparalleled clown-car setup known loosely as Polish ‘football’, all their remaining clubs got papped out of Europe last night. The most hilarious exit came from Legia Warsaw again, who got sworded by Dudelange from Luxembourg. Lastly, an in no way suspicious match in Leningrad saw a ten-man Zenit side overcome a 4-0 first leg defeat, beating Dinamo Minsk 8-1 after extra time.

Scotland* wasn't the only country to have its championship winning side crash out of the Champions League in miserable failure last evening - Faoud 'the rat' Bachirou's Malmo could only muster a 0-0 draw with Hungarian permadiddies MOL Vidi and got papped out on the away goals rule. Meanwhile in the weekend's Allsvenskan fixtures, two goals in the last two minutes helped Ostersunds to a fourth straight win, lifting them up to 3rd in the table and into a qualifying spot for next season's Europa League. It's now ten league games undefeated for Brian Wake's Swedish cracks: fully eight of which have been swordings. * Ireland

I’m sure Mark Russell will be looking forward to the crowds that Falkirk will attract for their four relegation six-pointers with Alloa this season. What a terrible, wee shame for him.

It's all good 'bantz' until a furious 'Walter' starts battering one of his youth players in the changing room again.

Their squads have done little but kick lumps out of folk on the park for years and their town is a horrible, crime-ridden hovel - once flattened by the Luftwaffe, they really shouldn't have bothered rebuilding it. Their fanbase is notorious for its anti-Semitic bigotry - not to mention smashing up the place whenever they get a day trip to civilisation: https://www.dw.com/en/feyenoord-fans-run-riot-in-rome/a-18271017 They're basically old, dead Rangers playing out of Clydebank.

Dutch fallen giants Feyenoord - a horrible club and fanbase representing a hovel of a town - got drubbed 4-0 on a neutral venue by Slovak permadiddies AS Trencin this evening. What a terrible, wee shame for them.

'I'm looking for a fresh challenge in my career' would be a statement that everyone could consider reasonable and would leave little bitterness from our part. Instead he has taken a leaf out of Thomas 'King Snake' O'Ware's book by trying to stick the boot in over what is in playing terms a sideways move. Like O'Ware he has shown great disrespect to this once-proud club and for that reason he must be mercilessly hounded from pillar to post by The Famous until the end of his playing career.

It's not a theory; it's a fact. The precipitous decline in Russell's performances at Morton took place after we started fannying about with his position. As the same morons want to do with Iredale; indeed McKeown has only in the door five minutes and there has already been talk of bunging him into left midfield. You'd think that having failed to secure a single left-back who was anything better than mediocre in donkeys' years would have Morton fans thinking twice about ruining decent prospects, but apparently not. And so the club gets the shan left backs that it truly deserves.

That's twice in two days now so... in what way has Mark Russell actually 'believed his own hype' in his career so far? It's not as if he's been giving it the Billy big-baws on Twitter like Thomas 'King Snake' O'Ware, or getting plastered every week in the local night clubs like 'club legend' Peter Weatherson, Alex Wiliams or even a standard issue fanny like Dean Keenan. He's just not been at his best playing football recently and thought 'nah, it's mebbe time to move on from here'. The bulk of the blame for Russell's departure for practically hee-haw should lie with the parade of braying idiots in the Morton fanbase* who demanded that he play left midfield because 'he was really good going forward!!!', as well as the baldy slaphead in the dugout who saw it done. Last season we saw a left-back who was actually much better in terms of defensive play than Iredale but one that the majority of the fans couldn't stand watching anymore because he had lost all confidence going forward due to a positional change that the same morons called for in the first place. These are facts. * exhibit A: Colkitto** * who let's not forget also wailed at the club not resigning Willie ****ing Dyer for the left-back position just two seasons ago

Meanwhile back in the Swedish domestic campaign, Malmo are currently languishing in 6th place in the Swedish top flight, some five points behind... Ostersunds FK, the club that King Snake left to further his serpentine career at the end of last season. Now under the influence of a certain Brian Wake as first team coach, the north Swedish cracks have suddenly racked up seven wins and a draw in their last 8 matches and sit fourth. Wake's former club IFK Lulea in stark contrast have been punished with failure, losing four of their last six games and sliding from runaway leaders to 5th placed also-rans in their own division. What can you say - he's just a fucking prodigy at this football management lark as well.

Faoud 'King Snake' Bachirou gets an assist and a yellow card as his Malmo team slither to a draw at home to Hungarian permadiddy no-hopers Videoton in the CL play-off round.

Your concern over this issue has been noted.

That’ll be ‘Sir Gavin’ to you.

On the topic of gubbins leagues, Poland has managed to surpass even its own usualy pathetic showing in the European game this week. The champions Legia Warsaw managed to get turfed out of the Champions League by Slovak 'cracks' Spartak Trnava - with an 8:1 disparity in the wages being a conservative guess in that matchup. Gornik Zabrze then followed that up in the Europa League by getting absolutely hounded 5-1 on aggregate by fellow Slovak outfit AS Trenčin. The Ekstraklasa runs in a country of 38 million inhabitants that is not particularly poor by European standards anymore; yet the likes of Cillian Sheridan and Ziggy Gordon are stalwarts in a title-challenging side in that basketcase setup. They would in fact be the laughing stock of European football if the folk on the piazzas of Milan etc. cared anywhere near as much about other countries' football as the Scottish media think they do.

Yes, who can possibly forget that time when he... erm... did something or other, nobody really knows. 'He wasn't absolutely gubbins' is a much more accurate description than 'did a great job' then.