Was it because they knew they had underestimated the strength of the league and overestimated the quality of the summer signings . Cue some ackward questions , and vague answers .

glad to hear about your mum

dont know much about the new director but for me the serious matter is your mums new kitchen! been on the edge of my seat for weeks waiting to find out how good it is.

General Nonsense with this shoite!

Been saying that for months.

McInally's handling of the player has been baffling, considering his comments in the past regarding his confidence and how highly he rates him.

Seriously unhappy about this, in the ten minutes or so he got at the end of games he's looked as if he would do well if he got a proper chance, yet he was forced to warm the bench while some waster gets a full 90 minutes week in week out regardless of how little work he does.

Templeman was never given a fair chance at Cappielow, McInally's treatment of him was disgraceful.

Derek McInnes is the most rookie manager in Britain.

How you thinking he's decent?

Your time away on the Tarot Card and Crystal Ball Beginners courses is yielding excellent results already, Mr Jag.

Yep. I'd give it to McAlister as he seems to be one of the most influential players.

I have to admit i was not a big fan of Chris when he first came to Scappa, but after he returned from Brechin and put in a good pre season, he looked a lot better. He was looking a better player this season despite the fact that most of his appearances came from the bench. JM should have been playing him instead of Weatherston in the last few weeks.
Anyway all the best big man. Hope it works out for him. Maybe he will forge a good partnership with Bobby Linn now.

footballing ability?

it would be pointless giving the captains armband so someone who is only here til april, thats not even the end of the season is it?

I agree I'm most upset that Rae has been cutting his cloth to fit the situation. I think we should of had these higher paid players in from the start so we could be struggling and have to get rid of them now

We are now signing experienced players with SPL quality, guys who WILL take us on to the next level.

Are you saying we should have just signed whatever experienced players were available 2/3 years ago just to appease the fans? How do you know that we haven't been making efforts to sign players like these but only now are they becoming available?

Any excuse for a moan with you! Feck off back to your DIY and give us all piece.

No one mentioned anything about Greacen, Harding, Linn etc.

But slaughtering them on a regular basis really helps matters eh?!!

The fact is, that Templeman is a far better footballer than any of the others mentioned!! Yet got the same (if not more) abuse as the players mentioned above. For anyone to state that the abuse doesn't affect players (and I include the others in your post) is ludicrous!! Of course it does.

I remember speaking to Paul Walker when he was with us & he stated a large chunk of the Morton support were c***s and affected the younger players on a regular basis, as they were s*** scared to make a mistake for the thought of getting an almighty slating. That cannot be right?

I wish you would never have came back to the board - Things were actually positive for a day or 2

OR
[codebox]Look at me everyone , I'm back on-line and want some attention"[/codebox]

So, when will it dawn on you that DR is not Abramovich?

MortonJag??? Who cares

Are we on to a win on Saturday?

Is he Alan Jenkins' agent?

As a team progresses up the divisions it evolves. Certain players that did a decent job at one level aren't necessarily good enough for the next and are booted. unfortunately it's the way of the world and football's a cut throat business. the same thing happened at Gretna and Livingston as they progressed up the leagues. hopefully, as our progress is taking longer than Gretna's did and looking like it will take longer than Livingston's did we'll be in better shape to compete in the Spl if the club evolves slower.

In short, he wasn't good enough to cut it in the First Division, get over it.

Are they not the same thing?

i like the post match patter upto about 10 pm. i also obviously like the signings and rumours carry on. but really - does anyone log in and read all the " i think this and u think that" keech day after day? it's as much use as getting a patronising reply from tom mcb. some people think this i think that blah blah fukn blah.

boring

there's some funny f***ers on here mind

He might have signed the contract tonight like you said but he agreed to it this morning, the delay was because Dougie's suit was in the Dry Cleaners and would not be ready for collection until after 6pm.
You know DDF always got to look his best for the snappers.

Shouldn't we have made moves to strengthen this time last season , picking up pre contract agreements for the summer .
The influx of Gretna players would seem to be us taking advantage of someones misfortune . I don't have a problem with that .
I still believe we wasted money on some of those we brought in and some we kept on .
Now we have a team that picks itself s lets see if the manager is up to the task .

DDFR was busy dusting down his microphone .

??? really pish reply there morton jag. i was just saying that there is so much flaps posted on here. your the guy with 12,000 posts on here ffs! all the best to u but i suspect u use posts as a proxy as to how many women u have screwed.

Pot, Kettle, Black ?

so true! and he's been taking me with him lately

Will The Darroch be graced with the Monkey and his master's presence on Saturday Night

funniest guy on here, despite him being confused with his sexuality

Is that a new name for a colostomy bag?

you will be really lucky to get a denist now if you arent registered with one, my daughter who is 6 and petrified of the dentist wasnt registered last year and the butcher at orangefield (galt) charged me 30 quid for an appointment for her, she sat in the chair for about 21 seconds then absolutely shiat herself and ran out the door! asked him for the 30 quid back and he told me no.

your best bet would be to call the health centre 724477 and they will more than likely see you today or send you out to a place at burns road, failing that the dental hospital in glasgow will see you 0141 211 9600.

good luck

I'm hoping for a victory and that we have at least one debut player with Chris Miller filling the wide right slot for the suspended Finlayson.

If I knew who Huffy was, I could comment on whether he might score. If its Weatherson, you could be right given its his old club.

We Have A Game Tomorrow!

Excellent what is it? British bulldog, rounders. Tell me. Can i get a game?

i swear that guy galt gets a kick out of other peoples suffering!

Dear Doctor

I thought you meant Weatherson because you think he's in a huff over recent critcism.

I think I was happier when you were fitting kitchens!!

Yeh, but its written on papyrus.

3-0 Russell, McGuffie and Stevenson.
DDFR comes onto the park before the game to make one of his legendary speeches and a gust of wind blows him away to Oz, where he sets up a sweetie factory and the munchkins all have terrible tooth decay.

If you read the Telegraph report, it's more likely that Jenkins wants money from Gretna you negative t***.

Can you do me a favour Suda? Please dont quote the negative tool in your posts as the forum is so much better with this (below):-

You have chosen to ignore all posts from: mortonjag.

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Cheers mate!

That game was in October. We beat St. Johnstone 1-0 towards the end of the season with Dougie Johnstone getting the goal. I'm pretty sure I remember that being considered the day we ended St. Johnstone's chances.

if the appointment itself was for me i wouldn't have had a grievance paying the 30 quid, but a 6 year old child, thats bang out of order! maybe he should set up a chair in Mr Binnie the butchers back shop, they could half the rent/rates etc - close to all public transport links as well - then he wouldn't need to charge kids 30 quid and people could also see that he truly is a butcher.....................

As if he wouldn't get enough off the nhs for treating the kid anyway! and obviously he had a spare appointment anyway if he could fit my daughter in that day - just total greed!

anyone biting???...........................

You'll only need this type of surgical removal in certain situations, usually the tooth will come out in one piece...

Forgive me MJ, but the monkey seems to have over-indulged over the festive period..?

Either that or you have new piccy and it hasn't updated yet

Has the monkey got an understudy

Despite what I was told yesterday I now think this deal could be in serious doubt.

Jenkins has 18months of a contract to either fulfil, buyout or have bought out by a 3rd party.

This appears to be a major stumbliing block.

Didn't McLaren have a similar problem ??

Because Morton are under strict financial guidelines regarding recruitment.

Just been listening to Jim McInally on the radio and the deal seems to be tied up, with both Morton and Alan Jenkins having shaken hands, Alan Jenkins just has to tie a few things up with Gretna now.

If you're ever down, try McAsksie's in Wemyss Bay. Won several awards for their meat!

What's your fascination with the keys MJ

No, no, no MJ, not a liar.

Fabricator of the truth maybe

Anyway have you checked the batteries

The finances in all of this are easily sorted but require an upfront signing on fee from Morton to get over the hurdle.

My understanding is that Gretna do NOT want substantial money for Jenkins, they are on the brink of a world of hurt financially and just want their wage bill cleared - that is not the stumbling block.

The player does not want to take a cut in wages, and Morton have a wage structure to think about. Moving the deal forward requires either a basic wage of £500 over two years, and a signing on fee of £25,000, or £600 per week and a £15,000 signing on fee. This keeps the player whole to his current money for the remainder of his current contract, plus six months extra. It also means Morton can remain working within their wage constraints. I'm confident a deal will be struck but it looks like it might mean Dougie dipping into his coffers again.

The utilisation of Bosmans mean that Morton need to get used to inflated signing on fees, but this one is a no brainer to me. A player of Jenkins calibre will start be worth £10-£15k in two years time. We effectively get him for Cappielow wages, but with an upfront payment which we later recoup.

TonInDublin

Just because it uses batteries and buzzes does not make it an electric toothbrush

Are we not at home to QoS?

peter was better in defence than harding and greacen but at this level thats still not good enough, he should be dropped to the bench but unfortunately we dont have any other options up front after allowing templeman and linn to leave.

The way we are playing it isn't going to happen on Wednesday either.

Jantorno (if thats how you spell it can't be bothered checking, way too hungover) is going to run amock and probably run so many circles round Smith he will hit the deck gasping for air.....but don't worry as the Big Doc is stroking the ball into the net for his 2nd and Gretna's 4th he will stop onroute (cause lets face it, our defence is still s***e and he would have time) to resucitate Smith.

Not sure whether to add a

or a

to that

I don't think it's the problem of players playing in different roles within the team. ALL teams play players in different roles. Just look at McGuffie's comments when he joined saying he was played in various roles but prefers CM for instance.
Where McInally seems to get it wrong is the balance of the team. Sometimes the balance looks completely wrong, and that's when mistakes are made.

MCINALLY = PINNOCHIO

Yeh and the 4 Horsemen of the Apocalypse are providing the transport to the game too

Hail Hail, the Celts are Here!!

Is that any better Scapa? Mibbes if the players actually showed they knew how to play football, then we'd have something to shout about. People who go on about the fans making the team lose are obviously so caught up in Doogie's every word. If you believe that pish, did you know the moon's made of cheese? It really is, honest. I bet you'd believe it if Doogie wrote it in his programme notes though!!

I got an abcess in my tooth and it's killing me MortonJag. Should Dougie Rae be held accountable for making sweeties?

What's your real reason for hating him? Did he knick yer boyfriend off you in high school or something?

Agree with all that's said on this thread. Just one question though, and it's not a dig at anyone, will you all be there at the fans rally to say the same things to his face?? I certainly hope so because it's about time DDFR and JM got the message.

Even tho's he's been playing poorly I thought McLaughlin was still looking to get involved in the game. He wasn't hiding away and he covered infront of the defence well even if his distrobution was at it's recent level (fairly gash).

I wonder why guys like Scotty, McAllister or Finlayson don't leather guys like Weatherson, Stevenson or McGuffie at times. Why should they have to do twice the work because their team mates are hiding away from games?

I don't think the reason for no rally in December was anything to do with poor results, s***e transfers or whatever. I'd imagine it will go ahead as long as no-one makes an arse of it again.
If you are there I demand you introduce yourself. Every week I'm looking about wondering who you are. How sad.

From Inverclyde Now:-

POLICE Pursuit -- NUMEROUS police units, including a helicopter, were involved in the pursuit of a vehicle in the East End of Greenock this evening. Police confirmed an arrest had been made but could provide no further information on the nature of the incident.

You should have a doctor to take at look at that.

The Doctor will tell him the same thing he told Sean the other day, it always itches on the run up, then falls off on your 40th birthday.

Indeed. If we set the player that were at our disposal at the start of the season out in the right positions and formations, we would be comfortably in midtable. If we had added a guy like...erm, McFarlane...as well as a full back or two, we would be capable of pushing for top four, at least. I have no problem with any of our usual eleven, apart from one. All of those 10 have the ability to compete in this league with the right guidance.

What chance does the man have when Harding is punting 70 yard passes to him everytime he gets the ball, the guy's a terrible footballer.

I have just returned from a snowboarding holiday in Italy where I took a bad fall and broke my Coccyx!

International Toilet Roll in the Fridge Day would be the obvious one!

Yes and then he makes further mistakes by letting go one of the few players that can cope well with the first division and has arguably been our player of the season so far - Chris Millar. All this pish about sending his agent a note is ludicrous - what next? Maybe he sends his young orphan servant he took in to deliver the next note and he never comes back as he's kidnapped en route by the local gangmaster. Ever heard of the phone or emails Dougie?

From a reliable source. Jenkins aint coming. Money involved and Gretna. Something about an 18 month contract.

Hey ho! 10 days to go.....

Wrong. Benny Boy's disliked McGregor as a defender for as long as I remember. I only know this as I completely agree with him - McGregor is an absolutely useless centre half. He get's turned inside out by absolutely everyone. I think he's potentially a decent midfielder although we'll probably never know.

I've had sex with more girls than most of my close friends have put together.

You have no friends and feel lonely?
Yer cutting onions?
Someone's playing "Gloomy Sunday" by Billie Holliday?
You can't remember if Dick van Dyke was in Chitty Chitty Bang Bang or Merry Poppins and it's really annoying you?

Don't worry. He's in both.

Dr Deuchar owns Stewart Greacen, look at the number of goals he's scored against him for both EF and Gretna!
Gilbride is on loan at Stenhousemuir, Shields is apparently been released.

Here to please Mr Jag

Before my time I'm afraid but I did have the pleasure of Joe Cavens company on a pre season tour up North a few years ago, I think the Morton fans who met Joe in the Keith Social Club after the game will remember that night for ever.

I play bowls and have been to two county finals in the last four years.
Well it's interesting to me.

Def not Brockville, it does remind me of Firs Park, but when did E Stirling come in to existence as the photo was taken 64, 65.

He (JM) has just signed his Granny on a 2 year deal. Apparently she zimmers down the left wing like no other winger. Apparently JM is quoted as saying "I told the fans I was going to sign some experience and believe me, my 92 year old Granny has nothing but experience under her belt" And the bonus is that he got her on a Bosman freebie and she only wants a couple of digestive biscuits and brew at half time as her appearance fee each week.

Not a bad signing by all accounts?

The point made on the players is absolute crap. The players we have here are as good if not better than any in this division. The management and coaching (or lack of) is the real issue here.
As an example , when we played Q.O.S. at Palmerston we went 1 down early on but we played football on the deck and passed the ball around, we not only won the game but it was enjoyable to watch.
On Saturday Mcinally had the players hoofing the ball up the park to nobody. The result being a doing and crap to watch into the bargain.
Unfortunately as Mcinally is Raes yes man I think he is here for as long as he wants to be.

We have, we've agreed terms but it's his release from Gretna that's the sticking point. If he doesn't come to Morton it won't be down to problems at our side.

I dont actually think he is Rae's yes man.
I think he is the one picking the team and is also the one organising training. The vast majority of players are his. The formation he puts out is his. The motivation side is his.

I obviously can see some criticisms of Rae's running of the club but at least he is looking to remedy this by bringing in Alisdair Donald to oversee the running of the club.
To say Rae is the real villain of the piece is taking a personal vendetta a bit too far though Mr Jag.

I actually think our support deserve a degree of credit here. We're on the back of a horrendous run and still the crowds are relatively constant.

I also guarantee we'll be the 12th man at Fir Park.

was talkin about this last night. provincial clubs like our should always have a mix of young and old.

I am right handed but left footed. That's useful if, just on the off chance, you want to kick someone while shaking their hand.

what is this carry on about janne and marko? what would they now about the current state of play in the scottish first division? we dont HAVE to have ex players! dick campbell would do better than jim m - don't care what anyone says.

i'd like to see duffy or wee robertson but sure there's more if i could be arsed thinking at the mo

he knows how to win a play - off for a start. that might come in handy

Anybody that suggests Dick Campbell is off their head. Why not check out what every single Partick fan has to say about his last spell at the club and the damage he did behind the scenes as well as being s*** on the park. Just ludicrous.

as a "supporter" i'm afraid i'm not going to stand and watch that pish without voicing my opinion. I wasn't booing him like others when he tried to score from about 35 yards out, but when he started mouthing back i certainly let him know what i thought about him.

He has a wee tool and hopefully i won't need to watch him much longer.

No it's ok, i'm from the Port.

I've got a dominant left eye, although due to shortsightedness 'dominant' sounds like a gross exagerration. Am i special, or is it just my kids that think that?

I've got 2 brothers, one of whom is right handed and right footed, the other is left handed and left footed although he plays golf (and possibly all racket sports) right handed. I guess these things ain't hereditary? or does the post man have a lot to answer for?

At what point have I even nearly suggested that i know more than anyone else?
I got the information about Donald from another thread on this site. Check it yourself.
I was merely pointing out that it is a positive move and surely since a number of people have been questioning Rae's hands on approach, you among them rather vehemently, he should at least be credited for this. By the way, I am not looking at this through rose tinted specs as I have been among those who are not too pleased with the way on which the club has been run previously. I am also starting to think that McInally has taken us as far as he can.

As regards the personal vendetta remark, I dont think its the first time something like that he been suggested. You must realise that by making reference to the teams owner in a negative way in the vast majority of your posts, so people are going to think along these lines.

If this is not the case then I stand corrected and henceforth offer my sincerest apologies.

I'm right-handed and mostly right-footed, but I play snooker and pool left-handed

That's exactly how I see it Scott, wonder if Dougie knows this, or maybe if he just wants to reduce the financial burden on himself and Golden Casket. I would be very surprised if he wasn't a substantial shareholder within a year.

On Saturday while you lot were at Scappa I built a Fort in the living room using chairs, cushions, blankets and duvets.

It was a cracker.

Broke my heart when the kids wrecked it

pretty poor

scottish football is a funny one cos there aint a lot of money to be made but there is no way we don't have the potential of ANY team outwith the main 4 cities in the land. hopefully we can move on with some help from this guy - financially or otherwise.

20 years outwith the top flight is way too long for a team from the 6th biggest conurbation in scotland

Again I think there is a difference between criticising and putting your bit in in all posts.
If you are going to have wee digs at my posts in a rather patronising way then I will do the same. Read the post again. I said that I have been critical of the way that Rae has run the club. I will acknowledge when he has done something positive and I think this is.

The last line of the highlighted part should have read "some people" not "so people". What do you not understand about it since you said it makes no sense?

Must be a sub-conscious thing then cause as El Gofer says it's rare that any of your posts escape without making some reference to Raemanov, Toothrotter, Sugar daddy, Fudgy Wudgies or Shoogly Woogly.

An example of your obsession is your joke about the May Hughes dancers as Dougies Dogs. I know you were making a joke but it's still a pretty despicable comment.

[Oh no, I've criticised the Jag, tin hat on]

i've been told that i am a descendant of william kidd, but i am sceptical.

then again, he was a totally s***e pirate, so maybe it's possible.

Why do I feel like I've escaped lightly? You're clearly mellowing

A proper scientific analysis of your posts would most likely see you commited, I don't need that on my conscience

Reminds me of the old Woody Allen joke...

this guy goes to a psychiatrist and says, "Doc, uh, my brother's crazy; he thinks he's a chicken." And, uh, the doctor says, "Well, why don't you turn him in?" The guy says, "I would, but I need the eggs."

That how it appears to me, and doubtless many others on this Board.

Totally agree mcgregor was amazing at firhill and is excellent every week

The biggest criticism Jags fans had of Dick Campbell was that he never played players in their correct position.

He's just McInally with a bunnet and big teeth.

I think I have some sort of Dr Dolittle type powers. In my house I have a dog, a hamster, fish, a wild mouse which I found trapped in a crisp packet (I plan to release him when the weather changes), two deer who regularly visit the back garden, a squirrel who raids the nutballs in the front garden, moles in the back garden and a few birds nesting in the eaves.

You should have sent the Monkey out to look for it

My boycott is not because the results are bad.

It's because Dougie will do feck all to remove that clown of a manager we have and even today he still shat out of sacking him

Crowds falling is maybe the only way he'll do something about it.

I noticed the folk that have said they're going are Season Ticket holders and see no point in not going as they've already paid for the games.

I wonder if them same folk would still be going if they had to pay in for the rest of the season

john robertson is a good shout. seems like the kinds that would tell dougie to get to f*** out of the dressing room, and kick under performing players arses

Was that held in The Monkey House

I can't believe you'd encourage drinking on a School Night

Incidentally, the area is riddled with sectarianism. Absolutely rife with it

At the cup game there last season I twice overheard conversations (one between women!) saying they didn't know who Morton were, "probably just some *potential ethnic slur removed* team" and such like. The mouthfuls they received for it nearly sparked some fisticuffs, the women involved again

Edit - unsaid word begins with F and is derrogatory to Catholics

Don't know who you are but indeed my brother was a BB officer, so sounds like you know who I am.

You need to intro yourself the next time you see me.

My sister went to school with him, Castlehead High School in Pishley, apparently he was a posing c#nt even then.

As for something else about myself, I work on a boat but I can't swim and 5 months ago the boat sank, but it was on my time off, thank fk.

I have now spent the past three nights without sleep due to a fracture in my back ............... Yes, it is foo**ng painful!

As I am wide awake and appear to be having little chance of sleep again I just wondered what other injuries etc people had suffered - bad enough to cause them severe pain and discomfort?

Mine was caused by a snowboarding accident and required admission to an Italian hospital in Livigno for numerous tests, scans and Xrays. Followed by a 5 hour coach transfer from resort to airport, 2 hour flight to Manchester and then a 4 hour car drive back home. Sh1t that was an experience I never want to repeat.

Won't stop me boarding though just as soon as I am fit again.

From my experience, short as it was, it is indeed worse.

Cheers mate, I am on Co-codamol 30/500mg and Ibuprofen 400mg. Spoke to Dr today as I could only get a telephone consultation and he has given me more of the same pain killers. They do keep the pain at bay but only for about 1 and a half hours at best of times and as you will know can only take these every 8 hours!!!!!!!

The problem is I can't sit down. I can only stand or lie down and even then I only have to turn awkward while trying to sleep and BANG - frigging painful as sin.

If youre a Doctor you may have worked with my dad in the 60s he was a Doctor in Greenock.

But - I am just a poor boy and my story's seldom told!

So Doc, just how many bad Dr Dr jokes did you come across in your practicing years ? You have 2 minutes to list them starting now.

Was it Lee Even's who once said "Why do they what a Doctor does practicing? I don't want them practicing I want them to know what the **** they are doing"

dislocated my shoulder when i was 13, pops out at least 5 times a year now!

dislocated thumbs

torn ligaments in both my ankles

one broken arm at the elbow - courtesy of my brother - do you remember?????? (hoping he reads this thread now)

my hand got jammed in a door when i was 4, scarred for life - lucky to still have the hand apparently - could give jeremy beadle a run for his dosh!

not quite sure which was the worst, these are the ones that stick out!

and he manages to dribble more these days

I stubbed my wee toe on the leg of the coffee table when going for a glass of water during the night.

f***in painful I tell you!

Name depends on whether or not the Monkey still gets spanked

Have I just lowered the tone of this conversation

Indeed!!! I wish he would sign for St. Mirren, I really do.

As for managers with no experience, other clubs seem to do fine - Mowbray at Hibs (athough I think he was a coach before), John Hughes, Owen Coyle etc., just because McInally has been a disaster doesn't mean all inexperiencced guys will be.

And one thing is for sure - Rae should not be the man to make the appointment, he clearly doesn't have a clue how to deal with managers.

That's how I feel.

I'll be at Fir Park on Wednesday but I'm not looking forward to it as much as I should. We're going into a replay against an SPL team with a good shout of going through to a last 16 tie with QOS. We should ALL be straining at the leash for a match like this.

Sadly, I'm more concerned with what McInally does with the team before I can relax and look forward to the game.

You just know he's going to f*** up before a ball's kicked and severely hamper our chances.

My prediciton for this game is Brian Graham to start ahead of Russell.

Just for the record mate, i raised my concerns to Dougie at hospitality on Sat regarding the wisdom/reasoning of letting Temps go when we dont have strength in depth striker wise, his reply was "that a striker will be signed before the window closes". Rumours & name dropping will always happen, but im (tentativley!) consoling myself that we are definatley going to sign a striker soon..................... according to Dougie !

Has he finally uncrossed his arms & found his ba**s ?

Told the players "it's time to shape up or ship out ", better late than never i suppose, lets see if he's true to his word though, also mentions "strengthing the team" .

I worked with le_chien_manquee, beat that ya bunch of sad sacks.

Why didn't you say, he stays downstairs from me.

Use the "Block List" function selectively and all of a sudden the site will become more enjoyable...honest!!!!!

It takes one to know one!!!!! Although in your case I'd add arrogant!!

Does nobody else rate Allan Moore? He is the only man for the job in my eyes. Think he'd jump at the chance as well to step up and manage full time.

How would he clash with Rae? McCormack was a strong minded person who would have stood up to the so called dictatorship you talk about except he lasted a fair time at the club. Why wouldn't Moore if his results were good?

Real supporters support a team through thick and thin.

Woman jailed for testicle attack

A woman who ripped off her ex-boyfriend's testicle with her bare hands has been sent to prison.

An argument ensued and Mr Jones said there was a struggle between them. In his statement, Mr Jones said she grabbed his genitals and "pulled hard".

The court heard that a friend saw Monti put Mr Jones's testicle into her mouth and try to swallow it. She choked and spat it back into her hand before the friend grabbed it and gave it back to Mr Jones. Doctors were unable to re-attach the organ.

Poor girl though, got the sack and sent to jail.

To do what may I ask

Blink 182 - Freak scene

Isn't google wonderful?....
NEXT:

I gave a letter to the mailman,
He put it in his sack

I wish more players would interact with fans in that manner, real old fashioned football fans and players are a dying breed.

She got the sack ok.....

strange as it may sound i actually had this conversation with my mum about a month ago. She and my dad bet on the horses and they asked if i had a racehorse what would i call it.
I decided eventually on "The Horsee"
*commentator*

"the horsee is comin up the left.....the horsee goes two lengths in front....the horsee wins the grand national"

Pedigree Chum

[attachment=3656:Pedigree_Chum.jpg]

Not recently but I am due to visit Perth in March. Will ask him then

Sorry to disappoint mate. The factory closed a while back.

Aye, but will we notice the difference

Two back feet
EXTERNAL IMAGE LINK REMOVED

That was "The Anchor" wasn't it? I used to drink in there when her and her husband owned the place, it was always know that you could get a gobble from her if her old man could tape it. She wasn't too bad looking either, poledancer from Glasgow if my memory serves me right.

Lovely hair, parted right down the middle.

I think GibbyTon mentioned that he had met the Queen or it may have been A Queen????

theres only one kenny deucher his wife is a hooker u give her to bob she'll suck your n*b walkin in a hooker wonderland

well a got kiked of a forum for it

Thorton will love this guy

They've just announced he's out for the season.

if it is people that i have met and spoken to, as opposed to someone i have just seen, then it would be

the queen, prince charles, diana, princesses anne and margret, prince philip, john major, malcolm rifkind, alex salmond, rev. ian paisley, dowza, stiff little fingers (even managed a wee kick about with them

) spicy mchaggis, gary lineker, most of the cast of emerdale (twats) and god. To name but a few. Friend of the stars me

This is almost certainly the team which will start the game as we have very few options. I looked at the bench on Saturday when we were 2-0 down and thought " we have no one we can bring on to try to change the game". We have left ourselves woefully short up front by allowing players to be released without replacements being brought in. If Harding and McGregor are just gonnae hoof the ball up the park then we might as well stick big Greacen up beside Russell, at least he'll make an attempt to win it in the air, which is more than our top striker has done for a wee while.

Whats the best route to take????

Dont be so f***in stupid, it works like this........ When we lose it's jim McInally's (and DDRs) fault, when we win, the players did it in spite of the managers tactics.
Well, thats what the keyboard experts on here keep pointing out anyway,

Looks like its more the story of Sutton and Mensing than Coakley and Gardyne , Dougie must be some angler as every big one seems to get away . I wonder if we'll get an explaination Dougie style . I go for
I got out my Merc , proceeded to the ground ,where I was to meet our big winter signing as recommended by our excellent young manager , who I have a great working relationship .
Suddenly !!! I was set upon by Mortonjag and a group of the Toby Boo Boys . In the scuffle I lost my dentures !!!!!!! . So , while I fended them off with the aid of a Fudgy Wudgy !!! and a bag of Quarter pounders ! from THE GOLDEN CASKET . Dundee manager Gavin Rae , had dug a tunnel into my office and Kidnapped our player !!!!! Telling him lies that they were challenging for promotion and we were languishing near the bottom ??? we are at least midtable on the official website !! He then told him the story of the Cappielow boo Boys this would strike fear into any footballer of calibre ,, as they like having nothing more than a good moan
We know Dundee United have stole players in the past this season .An untrustworthy goblin is how I'd describe Alex Rae ,
I have looked out my stationary box and have written to the SFA in protest but have not had a reply from Ernie Walker yet !!!!! but all Morton fans can rest assured that their chairman and manager , The Gaffur , will be doing our upmost to strengthening the team ,
All , I can say , is the fans can trust us to get it right .
Aye ,
Dougie

The team that won the third division got off to a flying start in the second division in 2003/4 season, but something went dreadfully wrong at Cappielow starting from the 1-0 new year defeat at Dumbarton. We were playing well until then, we were around 14-15 points ahead of Airdrie and looked dead certs to win the league that year, but we threw it away and ended up being fourth place amid allegations of players throwing the league to win bets etc. There are countless versions of events and plenty of folk are privvy to versions which shouldnt be told etc. but the crux of the matter is whatever really happened back then was the work of evil. Morton were flying up the leagues back then, John McCormack got it right, the team were playing well, the supporters adored them and then everything came to a shuddering halt in such a cruel and premature manner.

Morton havent recovered since then. Fine, we may have won the second division (after four seasons of trying), players have come and gone but the undercurrent of suspicion towards the playing staff is still there, supporters who dare to speak out about how unhappy they are about certain things are treated with disdain and derision by the club and its inner sanctum, the culture of transparency which we were promised at the beginning of the Rae regime's tenure doesnt read quite true. His time in charge is littered with instances of inaccuracies and sometimes dubious information peddled to the supporters which lead you to question whether the man can be trusted. But och aye, hes a Morton Man thru n' thru, cut his vein he'd bleed blue hoops blah. etc. pish.

Its tiresome. Its depressing. Its not what Morton should be.

Look at Gretna, it was only a couple of years ago we played them in their first game in the SFL. They steamed past us on the way up to the SPL. They may be bottom, but they are getting a fortune in TV rights and sponsorship. They may have had a lot of money thrown at them, but we've not exactly been paupers over the same period of time but we've squandered a fortune on bad decisions.

Look at Hamilton, they werent even given a second thought back in 2003/4 season, but they managed to leapfrog us when we threw the league away that year, and earn themselves promotion to the first division where they've stayed since. They attract brilliant young players, and even still they manage to hold on to them, and this season they look like a safe bet to go up to the SPL.

Look at Morton. Perennial under-achievers. A club with more leaks than a Cardiff Sainsbury's. Everyone we try and sign ends up going to Tayside, we sign guys like Coakley who only gets a chance because his dad is loaded. We squander cash and plead poverty then berate our supporters for not being as good as Celtics. A club with a manager of dubious integrity who is doing a Malpas to a chairman not big enough to sack him. A club who have players who hate the fans, and the feeling is mutual, believe me.

It is repulsive. It is heartbreaking. Is it a place worth giving up a day off work for?

MJ I've no problem with your general premise that DDFR is part of the problem at Morton but seriously get a grip of yourself. Comparing Morton's chairman to the likes of Hitler etc only make you look like a daft old fanny and undermine the sensible stuff you have to say.

Stirring up controversy on a messageboard with stuff like that isn't new and can be easily interpreted as a desperate need for attention.

And your are?

You disappear for weeks and come back with a vengeance in your criticism of the Club I agree there is a lot wrong However don't see what benefit it is to anyone with your rants on here.

Are you a trust member ? if so direct your questions towards Jim McColl as I believe that it was time that the trust started asking question however Jim seems happy to sit in the directors box without taking on the responsibility of representing the the trust share holders .

I have been at meetings regarding the Youth set up which comes under Jims remit however he was unable to answer most questions asked has never spoken to the youth coaches and never been to a youth match however was happy to tell everyone that he was a director forgetting if it was not for the trust he would not be a director.

Will you be saying these things face to face to Mr Rae in February ?

So Rae stops him from talking to the Coaches stops him from going to youth matches

in football, nothing wrong with a 'dictator' who recognises what has to be done and gets it sorted, but is also big enough to acknowledge his mistakes in public and sort them. Just look up the road at David Murray!

as to all the other guff in the rambling, regular repeating it on here in the way it is done does look like a personal vendetta eg
stick to the facts - the team is not performing, the manager is not inspiring the fans, the crowds are not healthy, the buck stops at the owner.

this toilet roll pish, unsubstantiated rumour you spread, is what makes it look like a vendetta

Surely the pitch inspection could be left till say 5 o'clock to allow the groundsmen to get the pitch ready?

You are no doubt capable of making these points on the messageboard. But we have a fans rally in February, and you are one of Rae's biggest critics to the point of comparing him to Hitler, Mussolini, Amin, and Hussein.

Will you be making these points to him face to face ?

Certain comments there remind me of someone

isnt it the majority of the people from this 'rag' that goto the rally anyway?
anyway you cant hold dougie ENTIRELY responsible for whats going on. JM seems to have a severe gap in his knowledge of his tactics and formation at cappielow. But from the rumours floating around dougie intereferes so maybe it is all his fault.
either way something needs to be done, someone needs to go and unfortunately theres not alot we can do unless the entire forum all chips in together and buys the club.

That was my Doc, he passed away a few years ago. Im still registered to that "pokey wee surgery" & let me tell you its 10 times better than that sh*thole we call a health centre.

You sit just a few rows behind him on match days Mr Newall, why don't you repeat all this garbage to his face instead of spouting your bile on a public forum. Perhaps you're just all mouth like a few others on here? If you don't like what's on offer at Cappielow, p*ss off.

can I ask a fair question MJ?
ok we both agree that dougie is a problem and JM hasnt got a clue half the time BUT what if dougie did give up and sell the club and we ended up wither another t*** like Scott with an even stupider manager? is it worth taking that risk or jsut let dougie go on till he realises what he's doing?

probably nothing short of the ghost of christmas past at this rate.

So I take it we're not signing anyone at all? The whole thing was just a ruse to try to pacify us. Pathetic.

I've said all along that before Rae is hounded out the door people should be looking around for the alternative and I haven't seen any evidence of a clear option apart from the regular 'I know of some stinking rich Morton minded people that want to throw loads of cash at the club but Dougie Rae won't let them' posts that never name any names.

Not much more needs to be added to the McInally debate, though I'm sure another few hundred threads will be. If we don't beat Clyde that should be the end of the matter (although who can be sure) but I have real concerns over who might show up to replace him. As I've said before, McInally is not the only manager in the league who plays players out of position, makes poor signings etc etc etc even though a lot of Ton fans seem to think he has the monopoly on it.

We're well aware you've been saying this stuff for three years. Along with a lot of other stuff such as Spoonsy being a striker. You're the Nostradamus of this message board and some people love you for it. And some people find it tedious.

Are you wishing death on the guy?

so we need to agree to disagree on that one - maybe the story came straight from Cappielow, but so did a lot of supposed signing stories and the facts in them are few and far between. If its not in an agm minutes or some official club release ........

I think where we have some agreement must be this:

the team is not performing, the manager is not inspiring the fans, the crowds are not healthy, the buck stops at the owner.

He put the manager in place, he will approve/disapprove signings and releases, he has influenced (or maybe its controlled) the board membership and he has to take ultimate blame if it continues to go wrong and fans turn away again. He also has the chance to sort it from within or find someone outwith who can.

theres a lot of big long words in there MJ, but unfortunately nothing that we havent all read 13,160 (13,160!!!) times before.

we all know how clever you are and are highly impressed that you DO have an excellent grasp of latin. Well done, yourself a pat on the back. most of us are also disillusioned with whats going on at the club at the moment and lay a significant share of the blame at the door to the office of the chairman.

what else do you want from us? please stop pontificating and making such long, boring posts as they are only adding to all of our misery.

p.s. please feel free to highlight any errors i may have made in my spelling or grammar rather than replying to what i have actually said here.

edit to add - i would rather be supporting a rich mans "plaything" playing 1st division football than be watching us in the juniors or whatever, so questioning why he bothered saving the club is way out of line. we all know that Rae isnt the ideal chairman and we are all frequently frustrated by his actions or lack thereof, but regardless of all this I will never forget that HE was the man who stepped in at the 11th hour, and for that we will all be forever indebted to him. this DOESNT make him exempt from criticism though, before you accuse me of being a shooglyphile or whatever

what does pontificating mean?

this ones for you MJ

Doubtfull , The last rally there was a distinct silence from the boo boys
lol
Comeon MJ , By reading your post it looks like you commented you are praying for him to kick the bucket ? For all of Dougies failings the one thing you or anyone else can never accuse him of is NOT BEING A MORTON MAN

He is a Morton supporter and did save the club , I think its time for him to step down but think some of your postings towards him are pretty poor

Scott Gillan (PS Ive never hid behind my user name unlike yourself )

Leaving Kilmacolm, take 2nd right, follow road down over the Gryffe and into Quarriers.
Take a right at the T junction and it's on the left.
Don't know how welcome visitors are though...

did u get fan mail or hate mail after that one lol

j/k man.
does everyone think the rally will def go ahead?

Sitting on the chairman's lap on Saturday

I tend not to have a go at the players( sorry , I lost the plot at Harding for letting Deuchar steal the ball and only McGurn's save revented a goal) and I haven't booed towards anyone and I have hardly been an outspoken supporter . I think if you saw any sign of recovery , entertainment , foward planning then frustration wouldn't be so high .
JM has had 4 years which is a long time to get your feet under the table at a football club at the present .This is the first season where we face teams of a similar size and standard ie fulltime training . It is also the first time difficult games are on a regular basis .
What we have saw is a side incapable of matching the standard and a manager who constantly bewilders with selection , tactics and substitutions.
Look at McInally's reign overall , despite the advantage of being full time it took 3 attempts before promotion was won . We were told that this young squad would come good and we would find things easier in a higher division , this isin't the case .
There are other issues that have brought this so called negativity . The summer transfer debacle , now we have a January sale , the squad numbers have dropped to a size that forgive me for saying this but looks as if we are preparing for 2nd division football. Guys like Templeman going and our target replacement away to Dundee . Millar ? according to the chairman he just jumped the gun in signing a precontract agreement for another of our league rivals . Will we keep him until the season end will we sort out the problems that prevented the signing of Jenkins will that be enough to instill much needed confidence in the team and therefore the support.

Does Rowan Alexander still think he's the Gretna manager?

My thread not good enough?

You sit just a few rows behind him on match days Mr Newall, why don't you repeat all this garbage to his face instead of spouting your bile on a public forum. Perhaps you're just all mouth like a few others on here? If you don't like what's on offer at Cappielow, p*ss off.

Yes, the same building.

The toilet was always there, at the back on the right hanside of the wall as you came in the door. The waiting room has been halved now by a reception area !

jesus christ MJ for a while i was missing u on this board but not now! ur vendetta against dougie is even more embarassing than dougies pre-match microphone efforts. he has his faults of that there is no doubt but ur kicking the arse right out of it now. away and have a lie down

So why dont you say anything to Dougie Rae MJ,If your seat is so close to his,You have a perfect opportunity to get answers,and you come on here asking the questions that you could be asking him to his face....why dont you?

You seem to be a bit upset that some 1 has pointed this out.

AND if Newton is to be believed we missed out on Scott McDonald in the Summer

There was a wee shot of the pitch inspection on Scotsport tonight. Kenny Clark stood over a muddy patch and dropped the ball from about shoulder height. It just buried itself about half the diameter of the ball in mud and stuck there. No way that pitch was playable an hour earlier.

I was at my son's place at Gartcosh and there was a downpour but it did'nt last that long. The damage was done to that pitch earlier than 6:40pm

Really...Im always of the thinking no time like the present.Well u more or less said you sit within talking distance of Dougie.Im sure if you were to introduce yourself to him and explaine that you are mortonjag,He would gladly make time for you having probs read your comments about him over the last few seasons.And now you question if he actualy supports morton..are you for real?

Im sure he could persue you for slander for questioning his loyalty to morton over the years.

I don't come on to this messageboard very often although I do read it when I'm fed up sticking pins in my eyes.

I have never heard such vitriol coming from a so called professional person. Your remarks about Douglas Rae are extremely personal, and you a doctor!!!!!! How would you like to be compared to Dr Mengele or Dr Shipman?
You call yourself a supporter? What exactly is it you are supporting - certainly not Morton, more like your own ego.

I think you are forgetting that there would in all probability be no football club if it wasn't for Douglas Rae. I didn't see anyone else rushing to save the club. Give the guy a break - at least he has shown that he IS a true supporter.

Away and wachle DOCTOR Newall - thank God I'm not on your panel. You probably also believe in Euthanasia for the hard of hearing, the short sighted and women.

I may have missed something MJ but what classified information appears to have been released?

don't you just love bluster

mortonjag may be anonymous but perhaps someone recognised his high-flying brother

surely no-one can really be this much of a p***k. i would count how many times mentaljag has lauded himself in the course of this thread but i don't have a couple of hours to spare.

maybe he should get a virtual gold star - the very, very first wee boy in the whole wide world who thought the morton manager was pish.

I think the fact that you have sub-labeled your thread 'absolute bollocks', just about sums up this content.

Fair enough criticising his ability, but no way can you criticise his passion for the club or desire to see Morton succeed.

If Hitler, Mussolini et al spring to mind then I'd suggest you check out this site... All Knowledge in the World.

Hmmm sytematic ethnic cleansing v poor running of a football club? Yeah, suppose there really isn't much of a difference.

I could be completely wrong here but do they not call it something like "dogging" up somewhere in or around Paisley?

What pissed me off last night was listening to the so called pundits on the radio going on about how the postponement was going to cause havoc with the old firm fixtures, these people live in a football bubble and don't give a toss about the fans of teams like Morton and Gretna who spent a lot of money for nothing last night.
If this was a Rangers v Celtic game that was cancelled an hour before kick/off then we would still be hearing and reading about this time next year.

I'm think you sit directly behind me, as I heard an old guy refer to Iain Russell as "leafy" once I'm sure.

Used to be dogging the school in bourtreehill, but that was nearly 25 years ago.

EXCLUSIVE NEWS:

Our Scottish Cup fourth-round replay against Gretna will now go ahead at Palmerston Park, home of Queen of the South, on Monday 28th January, at 7.45pm.

If we lose, and we won't, Gretna will give up home advantage and play their fifth-round tie against Queen of the South at Palmerston Park on Saturday, 2nd February.

The Motherwell v Dundee fifth-round tie will take place at Fir Park, Motherwell, on Saturday 2nd February.