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The KKK Bin Pub Review Thread


K K Kelbie

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The KKK Bin Pub Review #3 - The Cardwell Inn

 

Let's start with the bad: this isn't really a bin pub. No tonic wines. Also no football on TV unless it's an FA Cup Final from the 1980s that they're just getting a hold of now. It serves a full food menu and coffee and its clientele includes families enjoying meals.

 

Now, some readers might at this point claim that the clue is in the name of the establishment, as 'inns' are rarely binny in nature. To which I refer you to The Star Hotel passing the bin pub tests with flying colours in the last KKK review. This reviewer treats all potential bins by their contents and not the cover. 

 

Good Exceptional: Hand poured spirits that blow the standard big boy measures out of the water. The key here is to choose your brand instead of the s***ty, 20% 'vodka based liqeur' that they have conned several generations of idiots into ordering over the years. Your glass of vodka - Russian Standard gets the KKK seal of approval here - should be filled to the brim with only enough ice and coke to make it an opaque brown in colour. 

 

Verdict: 1 K/3. The spirits policy keeps it well clear of joining the s***ey pub pack, but the best bin pub in Greenock? Not even close. 

 

 

I fucking hope not considering it's in Gourock. 

TIME FOR CHANGE!

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It's a valid point, asking for a key at a busy bar to use the bog, ffs. The Willow is a cracking boozer, that's the only thing that lets it down, it's NOT a bonus.

 

It is a character feature, all of which are vital to a good bin pub. 

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The Prince Of Wales is, accordingly to yesterday's Telegraph, due to re-open as an Irish pub called "O'Docherty's" because "there are no Irish bars in Inverclyde and 90% of Port Glasgow is of Irish descent".

 

Sounds absolutely shite, that.

AWMSC

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The guy trying to open it has a bit of a tasty history about him too, apparently.

Some guy called "Karate Joe".

 

 

Aye, someone was working on it to open it again a year or two ago but seem to have given up.

It was meant to be some kind of restaurant that also had Sky Sports. Domestics left right and centre there when the guy's sitting watching the football over his burd's shoulder during their candlelit dinner...

 

There seems to be a bit of a trend in Greenock of pubs doing/planning on doing things that nobody really seems to have any need for. The new bit in White Hats takes the piss, cannae even get a pint in it and the sign makes it look like a dodgy strip club. 

Edited by EanieMeany

AWMSC

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  • 1 month later...

The KKK Bin Pub Review #5 - The Thistle Bar

 

Firstly, readers who aren't clued up on the comings and goings of Greater Greenock's thriving bin pub scene will be wondering: where the **** is 'The Thistle Bar'? 

 

A: The Thistle is a bin pub on the site of the former Lynedoch Bar, which did a Rangers after either i) sectarian-based violence in the premises or ii) running a series of 'special' opening times and being caught by the pigs a few years ago. It doesn't open for the new-fangled 'derby' matches involving the bigots - which leaves this magnificent bin pristine for the rest of us during the year. 

 

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Good: As the picture suggests, the owners of The Thistle are trying very hard to make it something more than a bin pub - a super fun karaoke bar to be precise. But just like you can't take the Big Mags effect out of a Raploch wean, you can't take the 'bin' out of what used to be the ****ing Lynedoch either. When popular with the locals, the pub feels like its always one spilled pint away from a mass rammy. Which is exactly how it should be. 

 

The owners best intentions pay off in the service, which is undoubtedly the best available even by Greenock's magnificent standards in watering holes. Big boy measures of Smirnoff cost a mere £1.50 with pints at £2.50.  In return, guests are able to watch the football on Sky as well as BT Sport without having to use some buckshee box that the owner of the pub took out of a skip the night before, as well as having use of a pool table. At the moment they're flogging Tennents at £1.50 a pint and a Glens with dash for £1.40 - making it by far the cheapest pub in the town that doesn't serve Tiger.

 

Bad: Nothing to report from the official KKK visit. 

 

Mixed: The pub doesn't have an authentic wine list - El Dorado or Buckfast in their rightful storage conditions - but it does offer the inferior, English swill as part of a Bucky-bomb for £1.50. The official KKK Bin Pub Guide is agnostic about this situation. 

 

Rating: 3Ks out of 3. Offering all required amenities for a low price, big measures and a taste of malice in the air, The Thistle wins a hearty KKK stamp of approval as a bin pub. Anyone who chooses to trot along to the James Watt or even worse, that Tail of the Bank monstrosity instead of taking the brief detour up to it from Greenock's Golden Mile needs to take a long hard ****ing look at themselves. But the owners of The Thistle are making an effort - which means that for all its impeccable bin qualities it hasn't built up the character features that separate the best bins of all from the rest. Close but no cigar. 

 

I also believe they are now offering a free taxi to Cappielow on a Saturday. The pub is clearly making an effort and deserves to be rewarded. 

 

The last time I was in there was the Sunday night of the last Rangers* game and there was a clear sense of malice in the air. An excellent pub. 

You address me by my proper title, you little bollocks! 


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I also believe they are now offering a free taxi to Cappielow on a Saturday. The pub is clearly making an effort and deserves to be rewarded. 

 

The last time I was in there was the Sunday night of the last Rangers* game and there was a clear sense of malice in the air. An excellent pub. 

 

Could be wrong, but I think the guy who runs it might have a big 8 seater himself - they were offering free taxis to/from the pub a while ago too. Still haven't been in but will need to try to pop up...as you say, any pub making an effort is worth a bash.

 

It was in the Tele the other the day that one of the potential tenants of the Carnock wants to "tie in with the Morton support". It doesn't offer any more detail, but could be interesting. 

AWMSC

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Could be wrong, but I think the guy who runs it might have a big 8 seater himself - they were offering free taxis to/from the pub a while ago too. Still haven't been in but will need to try to pop up...as you say, any pub making an effort is worth a bash.

 

It was in the Tele the other the day that one of the potential tenants of the Carnock wants to "tie in with the Morton support". It doesn't offer any more detail, but could be interesting. 

 

That would make sense, it definitely solves the problem of The Thistle being out the way. I think folk have realised that The Lighthouse does a solid amount of trade off the back of their clear Morton allegiance and are looking to copy it. 

You address me by my proper title, you little bollocks! 


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That would make sense, it definitely solves the problem of The Thistle being out the way. I think folk have realised that The Lighthouse does a solid amount of trade off the back of their clear Morton allegiance and are looking to copy it. 

 

 

The Lighthouse is pretty shite, to be honest, so a half-decent pub with Morton leanings would be ideal.

AWMSC

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The Lighthouse is pretty s***e, to be honest, so a half-decent pub with Morton leanings would be ideal.

 

I don't mind the Lighthouse at all. They don't serve food so there's no families hanging around, the only issue is that certain bar staff have a zero-tolerance approach to Morton songs, which is shite patter in a Morton pub. 

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You address me by my proper title, you little bollocks! 


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