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The KKK Bin Pub Review Thread


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#101 EanieMeany

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Posted 10 December 2018 - 08:05 PM

Not to be a bore, but don't the minimum pricing laws apply to pubs?
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#102 capitanus

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Posted 10 December 2018 - 10:39 PM

48373821_1976564239089766_72060808906848
 
KKK approves the bar being well and truly raised before the Falkirk game by this fine Greenock bin.  :thumbup2:


They were serving free soup up in Bumshaftens on Saturday.

For all his faults, Maxwell House is a good guy.
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...and no Regime can buy or sell me.

#103 K K Kelbie

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Posted 11 December 2018 - 09:30 AM

Not to be a bore, but don't the minimum pricing laws apply to pubs?

 

Now we know who to hound when The Thistle gets shut down again. 

 

s4-z1SAA_400x400.jpg


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#104 K K Kelbie

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Posted 07 January 2019 - 09:16 PM

The KKK Bin Pub Review no. 8 - The Green Oak Bar

 

Named after the tree that gives this fine metropolis its name, The Green Oak was a solid fixture of the bin pub scene until it went mysteriously on fire in the middle of the night in 2016. Unlike many bin pubs that are no longer with us - such as The Carnock, The Argyll and The Thistle (d. Dec 2018) in recent months alone - The Green Oak has been tarted up and reopened anew. The insurance company must feel so proud.

 

greenoak-4.jpg

 

Gone is the smell of twenty years of stale pish from the toilets. In comes decoration and a return of the bottom section of the pub, which was a closed-off 'here be dragons' wing during the last petrol spilling days of the old version. Now you can get a drink in both rooms but the bottom one is trying to specialise in gin and Prosecco. So stay in the binnier section at the front. 

 

Drinks: Your standard generic lager and cider choices on tap. Well priced at about £1.80 for a big boy measure of Glens' finest. No tonic wine available so that's a mark off right there. 

 

Food: N/A which is how it should be. 

 

Entertainment: No football shown unless it's on council telly. A raucous karaoke runs on several nights of the week though.

 

Rating: 2Ks out of 3. No purging by fire can stop the Green Oak from remaining a bin pub. Some crucial period features of the old hovel have been lost though, so it doesn't get close to the star prize. It earns an official KKK thumbs up for a pit stop but better bins are still out there. 


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#105 K K Kelbie

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Posted 07 January 2019 - 09:24 PM

The Official Bin Pub Leaderboard

 

The Thistle - 3Ks/3 (dead like Rangers)

The Hole in the Wa- 3/3 

The Carnock - 3/3 (dead like Rangers)

The Willow - 2.5/3

The Green Oak - 2/3

The Star - 2/3 (visitors' lounge) -3/3 (bhar)

The Cardwell - 1/3

The Cloch Bar 0.5/3


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#106 TopCat

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Posted 03 February 2019 - 02:53 PM

The Thistle has now been officially replaced by a Celtic pub named "Greenock King of Kings", immediately confirming it's status as a complete hole and also bringing some much-needed old-firm needle to Lyndoch Street.
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#107 capitanus

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Posted 03 February 2019 - 03:03 PM

The Thistle has now been officially replaced by a Celtic pub named "Greenock King of Kings", immediately confirming it's status as a complete hole and also bringing some much-needed old-firm needle to Lyndoch Street.


That sounds pretty shite,tbh.

I was only in the Thistle Bar once, it was a good wee shoppe. Only flaw (from an out-of-towners point of view) was it was a wee bit out the road. If the were to recreate a pub like that downstairs from the Norseman it would be grand.
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#108 K K Kelbie

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Posted 03 February 2019 - 08:30 PM

Absolutely disgusting news, hope the place mysteriously burns down in the middle of the night. On the flip side of things, KKK was recently delighted to find The Carnock back up and running and with the same underlying threat of violence. Welcome back. 


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#109 K K Kelbie

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Posted 21 February 2019 - 04:42 PM

KKK Bin Pub Rereview - The Carnock Bar

 

Off the back of recent events myself and CartoonHead jumped in for a pint or two before the game on Saturday. After horsing him with a 9 dart finish at the board I began to notice a few improvements made on the back of our previous review:

 

TV - now showing all the football on a 'who's paying? who the ****'s asking?' basis.

wine list - The Carnock has clearly listened to our feedback and now boasts Scotland and Greenock's own El Dorado as part of a fully hand-poured selection of drinks behind the bar. Optics can get to **** in this establishment. 

 

Like the Michelin guide, the KKK Review is happy to revisit our scores when new heights of bin excellence have been achieved. The Carnock therefore earns an extra special K to take it to the top of our revised standings:

 

The Carnock - 4Ks/3

The Hole in the Wa - 3/3

The Thistle (d.) - 3/3 (under review)

The Willow - 2.5/3

The Green Oak - 2/3

The Star - 2/3 (visitors' lounge) -3/3 (bhar)

The Cardwell - 1/3

The Cloch Bar - 0.5/3


Edited by K K Kelbie, 21 February 2019 - 05:42 PM.

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#110 K K Kelbie

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Posted 21 March 2019 - 05:54 PM

The KKK Bin Pub Review no. 9 - The Burns Lounge

 

Your intrepid bin pub reviewer decided to pay a visit to the great white whale of Greenock bin pubs on the afternoon before the Falkirk game. A taste for violence in the Burns was required for the later visit of those horrible mutants.

 

It was ****ing shut. On a Friday afternoon. 

 

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As a result of this shocking faux pas The Burns Lounge has been permanently disqualified from the competition.


Edited by K K Kelbie, 21 March 2019 - 05:55 PM.

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#111 K K Kelbie

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Posted 21 March 2019 - 06:06 PM

The KKK Bin Pub Review #10 - Monteiths Bar

 

A return to the Gourock bin pub scene from a recently closed establishment, Monteiths is under new ownership and aiming to score as highly as possible on the KKK leaderboard. Almost nothing has changed inside the pub from before - which means that it has kept the period features of a pishing trough beneath the bar for regulars in the good old days and a toilet that stinks of the forty years stale pish since they stopped using the trough. Other plus points include:

 

- food: absolutely none as it should be

- all TV football catered for

- big boy measures, reasonably priced

 

On the down side it has gone for miniature bottles of Prosecco and Pinot Grigio for its wine selection rather than the correct bin options of Buckfast and El D. While some absolute bins have remained in Gourock, Monteiths is clearly catering to a slightly different and worse crowd.

 

Verdict 2 1/2 Ks out of 3. Monteiths remains a solid enough bin pub and is worth a stop along Gourocks wide selection.  Its new ownership earns the official KKK seal of approval.


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#112 K K Kelbie

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Posted 21 March 2019 - 06:08 PM

I hear they gave a hats off, hoods down, no racists policy.

They maybe saw you coming.

 

The only thing coming off here is your mask Gordon. Have a red dot.

 

AVqWH.gif


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#113 HamCam

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Posted 21 March 2019 - 06:29 PM

The KKK Bin Pub Review #10 - Monteiths Bar

 

A return to the Gourock bin pub scene from a recently closed establishment, Monteiths is under new ownership and aiming to score as highly as possible on the KKK leaderboard. Almost nothing has changed inside the pub from before - which means that it has kept the period features of a pishing trough beneath the bar for regulars in the good old days and a toilet that stinks of the forty years stale pish since they stopped using the trough. Other plus points include:

 

- food: absolutely none as it should be

- all TV football catered for

- big boy measures, reasonably priced

 

On the down side it has gone for miniature bottles of Prosecco and Pinot Grigio for its wine selection rather than the correct bin options of Buckfast and El D. While some absolute bins have remained in Gourock, Monteiths is clearly catering to a slightly different and worse crowd.

 

Verdict 2 1/2 Ks out of 3. Monteiths remains a solid enough bin pub and is worth a stop along Gourocks wide selection.  Its new ownership earns the official KKK seal of approval.

 

Do they still have the sign on the door at Monteiths - We do not sell wine by the pint? That or something very similar.


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#114 K K Kelbie

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Posted 04 April 2019 - 05:41 PM

The KKK Bin Pub Review #11 - The Old Wherry Tavern

 

4537932858.jpg

 

Reputedly as old as Morton itself, the Wherry has been a fixture of the bin pub scene for countless generations. Unlike Morton, it has already fallen into the clutches of Greater Greenock's favourite bus, taxi and all-round 'business services' empire. 

 

The Wherry was best known for being run by an absolute walloper who barred clientele for cursing in his decrepit bin. Under new ownership though has come a new policy of inclusive and polite service - truly a great shame. The interior of this bin pub surprises many in combining the standard old man decor of a 1950s s***hole with a shiny and totally out of place shots bar in the corner. Other than that most things go as standard. Big boy measures, reasonably prices (especially by West Greenock's standards), minus a TV for the full bin experience. Your food options are along the road where a promising successor to Marios has just opened up. 

 

Verdict: 2Ks out of 3. 

 

The Wherry remains a perfectly solid bin pub and earns the KKK seal of approval. But its defining character feature has been lost in its recent change of ownership so it falls into the growing ranks of adequate, not truly great bin pubs of Greater Greenock. Next time we'll be reviewing a pub that has always remained under the influence of a cantankerous owner - The Kempock Bar.  


Edited by K K Kelbie, 04 April 2019 - 05:44 PM.

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#115 K K Kelbie

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Posted 04 April 2019 - 05:44 PM

The KKK Bin Pub Leaderboard

 

The Carnock - 4Ks/3

The Hole in the Wa - 3/3

Monteith's 2.5/3

The Willow - 2.5/3

The Green Oak - 2/3

The Old Wherry Tavern - 2/3

The Star - 2/3 (visitors' lounge) -3/3 (bhar)

The Cardwell - 1/3

The Cloch Bar - 0.5/3

 

--------------------------------

 

The Thistle (disqualified for morphing into a plastic paddy pub) 

The Burns Lounge (disqualified for being fucking useless)


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#116 TopCat

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Posted 04 April 2019 - 08:57 PM

Looking forward to the Kempock review. I used to go when I was 16 and always liked a wee nostalgia pint whenever I was in Gourock. I gave up on that though - the last time I was in he'd jacked the prices up to cafe levels and the regulars were drinking cans instead of draft (presumably for health reasons).
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#117 BishopLenBrennan

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Posted 05 April 2019 - 10:50 AM

The Kempock's an absolute hovel and the boy behind the bar is a w**k. 


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You address me by my proper title, you little bollocks! 


#118 Malt

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Posted 05 April 2019 - 12:09 PM

The Kempock is rotten. Everything is warm.


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#119 EanieMeany

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Posted 05 April 2019 - 01:12 PM

Apart from the reception.

 

:lol:

All of the pubs in Gourock are a bit shite.

 

Was in Monty's on Saturday and their "entertainment" was some old guy blasting Jamiroquai songs and shouting random words in between. No TVs now either.


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#120 Hej

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Posted 05 April 2019 - 01:13 PM

Agreed with the Kempock is a shitehole.

 

Shite pints, shite toilets, shite jukebox, shite seats and a grumpy old bastard behind the bar. In fact all of Gourock is shite. There isn't a single good pub to drink in.


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