Who Is The Biggest Arsehole To Have Played For Morton?

[AyrshireTon]

Did winters play at Dundee united at the time? I remember him giving us a right doing.

Yes. Scored one of United's goals on the last day at Scapa.

[Toby]

So, with this round I was hoping to take it down to a final four, but with two tied in fourth place, we're down to five remaining candidates.

 

So, who's missed out on the cut this time?

 

Nacho Novo 2013

What can wee say about wee Nacho that shows him in a good light? Well, not very much really. I suppose his signing was enough for us to get right under the Celtic fans' skin for the second time in a month, but after that you're struggling. There were stories of him arguing with fans and he did very little on the park- hitting the bar in the first minute of his debut, one goal in a 1-2 defeat at Stark's Park and charging a free kick early against St. Johnstone, leading to our cup exit was about it.

 

But his time before arriving at Cappielow was enough to tell you you wouldn't want to go for a pint with him. On arrival at Raith, he took far more than the hospitality afforded to him by Ross Matheson, leading to some high profile struggles for Ross, and he was probably the one foreign player to turn up on these shores who was absolutely immersed in this country's less savoury cultural aspects.

 

Anyone who might want to go for a pint with him, he runs a bar near Ibrox now. I've not paid it a visit yet.

 

 

Allan McManus 2008-10

After starting his career at Hearts, McManus spent most of his time playing shit club bingo. the only problem was, in that era, all of the shit little clubs he played with were all doing considerably better than we were, notably Airdrie, where he picked up a title in 2004 after our collapse.

 

He rocked up at Cappielow in 2008 after our Brian Wake-inspired survival, but endured an inauspicious start to his Morton career as our season started abysmally, in the league at least. Failure to win in the first quarter of the season was punctuated by good League Cup and Challenge Cup runs, including a brilliant win at Easter Road. However, the Saturday after that win we went to Airdrie, took a 5-0 doing from a team in which Scott McLaughlin starred (more of him later) and he was sent off late on for a disgraceful stamp.

 

Morton recovered to have a credible season under David Irons, but after another difficult start the following season, and stories of Irons losing the dressing room, McManus, alongside his good mate James Grady (again, more of him later) took the reigns, with Grady eventually getting the job with McManus as his assistant. Survival was secured on the final day, but the nature of Irons' removal rankled. What role did his senior players have in dislodging an unpopular, if relatively successful manager? In many folks' eyes, the responsibility for that lay at the feet of two men.

 

He's now coaching at St. Mirren. Cunt.

 

 

David McPherson 2001-03

"Donkey Dave" was never going to be popular at Cappielow. When he arrived from Australia he was already semi-retired anyway (although he might dispute that) but was already a bit of a hate figure in Scottish football having been part of the ridiculously successful but even more ridiculously objectionable Rangers 9-in-a row winning team.

 

The club was in a nick- just emerging from administration with hardly any signed players and already favourites for a second consecutive relegation before a ball was kicked, new manager Peter Cormack needed some experienced heads. He got that in McPherson, but didn't think he got the help he needed from his captain, who made it clear that he had ambitions to be a manager.

 

It was hard not to have sympathy for Cormack when he was eventually removed. A former hero from his time as assistant had a thankless task that season, although McPherson couldn't really carry the can for our relegation either (mind you, playing in a Masters tournament for Rangers at Braehead whilst "injured" didn't help our cause), and actually scored a brilliant winner, curled into the top corner in a 3-2 win at Ochilview the day relegation was confirmed.

 

He could probably be credited with the signings of the Maisanos, with his links to Australia, and agent Lou Sticcia, but was given a ridiculously big budget for the Third Division, which included £50,000, free scoring Alex Williams. In spite of his great form though, the team still weren't getting the results required to get out of that league. McPherson was out after a 1-1 draw at Hampden and replaced by the guy in the other dug out.

 

Nobody shed a tear at his departure.

 

 

Craig Reid 2012-13, 2013

Very much like David Graham, it could be considered harsh to include Reid. He was a very accomplished defender in a very decent side. But he was a dick of the highest order. A face you wouldn't tire of punching, he was the epitome of the cheeky Nandos generation of footballers who have far too high an opinion of themselves, and, whether he wanted to or not, struck me as Thomas O'Ware's inspiration in how he conducted himself.

 

In the summer of 2013, he did a Monti by not returning only to fail to get a better deal elsewhere and after a trial at Coventry, came back with his tail between his legs to shore up a leaky defence. In his second debut he starred in a 1-5 hiding at Cowdenbeath, before pissing off in the January window.

 

Incredibly, his season ended on a high. Whilst we went down, he scored a last minute winner for Motherwell at Pittodrie as the secured second place in the Premiership ahead of Aberdeen. He was cleared of knocking his bird about by the courts, with the sheriff saying "There are a lot of significant unanswered questions about what did or did not happen".

 

He later played for St. Mirren, Dunfermline and Ayr, winning a couple of League One winners medals and is now at East Kilbride.

 

 

Stuart McCluskey 2004-05

Stuart played for Morton in the 2004-05 season- a season in which we finished below Brechin City and Stranraer in a title race. Jesus wept. So, let's be honest, there's not really too many from that season that can hold their heads up high after a performance like that.

 

But there was something about him. On paper, he was a very good signing. Successful spells at St. Johnstone and Clyde (bear in mind Clyde were much better than the gang they are now) promised a lot. But he never really performed for Morton, and it was thought that he played a pivotal role in John McCormack's removal as manager. Whether he did or not is up for debate, but McCormack should've been punted in the summer instead of being allowed to sign McCluskey in the first place.

 

New manager Jim McInally also had problems with him, and allowed him to go to Dubai for a trial. Little did he know that McCluskey was actually going to play in an Old-Firm Legends game, in spite of never actually having played for either of the Old Firm. He was eventually released on deadline day in August 2005, as our most difficult season at that level was kicking off.

 

He later played under Alan Kernaghan again at Dundee, before pissing off to Australia. Hopefully he's still there, anywhere else is too close to home.

 

 

We're going down to the last two at 8pm on Thursday if anyone whose voted for any of the above want to change their votes for the final cut.

[HamCam]

The one arguably redeeming feature of Dave McPherson was his son joining the old messageboard to stick up for his dad. There were some very amusing threads as some posters got stuck into Dave as his lad gave as good as he got.

 

As for Stuart McCluskey guess who sponsored his home strip that season!

[capitanus]

The one arguably redeeming feature of Dave McPherson was his son joining the old messageboard to stick up for his dad. There were some very amusing threads as some posters got stuck into Dave as his lad gave as good as he got.

 

As for Stuart McCluskey guess who sponsored his home strip that season!

The bit in bold, certainly don't remember that.

 

I remember him though, he'll be a lad in his mid to late twenties by now, and he'll probably still be an annoying little dick.

[Stevie Aitken's Love Child]

Didn't Davie Irons' daughter signup to this very forum to defend his honour too? Bit of a recurring theme.

[BishopBrennan]

It's because we're all sectarian bigots who hound folk out of the club for being Catholic IMO. 

[Toby]

Down to the final two now, with some high profile reprobates now dropping out of contention...

 

Scott McLaughlin 2005-08

This can only be seen as a disappointing performance from Scott (where have we heard that before?) as he departs the competition at what he would've thought is an early stage, given how much he craves the attention of the Morton support. He was never terribly popular, it has to be said, but I couldn't really put my finger on why. He did miss a penalty in a shoot out defeat by St. Mirren, and was part of the team that failed so dismally in the 2006 play offs, but other than that was a fairly nondescript signing.

 

One memorable moment was his half volley late on to put us 3-2 in front having been 0-2 down against Peterhead (we went on to win 4-2) in the title winning season. He did get himself a medal at the end of the season, but once Jim McInally was punted and David Irons started to assemble his own squad, McLaughlin was inevitably part of the cull.

 

He didn't have to wait long to get one over us though, scoring two in Airdrie's 5-0 win over Morton in 2008. And boy, did he enjoy it? He also managed a winner for Ayr against Morton in 2014, but that was in vain as Morton went on to win the title, whilst his poxy little team scrapped it out with Stenhousemuir to avoid relegation.

 

He's not been shy on social media either, with his support for the IRA that he posted on Twitter making the tabloids and his recent interview on Tell Him He's Pele getting met with ridicule, rather than outrage from the majority of the Morton support.

 

It's a crying shame that the boy that saw himself as Public Enemy #1 has only finished fifth in the list.

 

You'll have to really up your game next time you're desperate for attention, Scott.

 

 

Dominic Shimmin 2008-10

Shimmin was my choice of the biggest arsehole ever to play for the club, an absolutely bizarre individual that on reflection, I don't think even liked football that much, and saw it as a chore, rather than the dream job the rest of us would see it as.

 

After starting his career at Arsenal, his career was clearly following a path down the food chain. He had spells at QPR, Bournemouth and Crawley, amounting to a total of 7 games in 3 years. However, he was a stand out in his debut in a friendly defeat by Huddersfield at Cappielow, and signed up, in spite of rumours that he'd be going to St. Mirren. After a poor start to the season for Morton, he won a 1st Division Player of the Month award as we began to pull things together. Morton somehow found themselves with an outside chance of promotion as the season drew to a close, although Shimmin, after breaking Queen of the South's Gary Arbuckle's ankle, ironically suffered an injury himself that ruled him out for the rest of the season, as our season petered out (for a wee change).

 

Months of speculation about his fitness and future ensued until Morton or Dumbarton were drawn to play Celtic at home in the Scottish Cup. Lo and behold, Shimmin announced himself fit and available for the replay at the Rock. He made the bench for that game as a Brian Graham goal gave us a narrow win and plum cup tie, in which Shimmin played. He played the rest of the season as we just about survived, but the writing was on the wall. There was no way the club would renew the contract of such an expensive, yet unreliable defender.

 

On release, he signed for Dundee, only to be made redundant as the administrators took over, and he had to take his 6p in the pound like the other poor sods who they'd ripped off along the way. What goes around comes around, eh?

 

[Toby]

Onto the podium now, and we've had a major shock as an odds-on finalist has been pipped to the post for his place in the big showpiece vote...

 

 

 

Marc Fitzpatrick 2013-14

Marc Fitzpatrick, eh? Where do we start with him? A relatively "safe" signing I recall thinking when he arrived at the club. He came with a decent reputation having played almost his entire career in the top flight with Motherwell and Ross County, and even scored a last minute winner for Motherwell in a League Cup semi final against Hearts at Easter Road in 2005.

 

So what went wrong? Well, basically, he was shite. And he didn't really like being told he was shite. His competitive debut at Annan ended in a 1-0 defeat which didn't exactly please the travelling hoards who quite rightly voiced their displeasure at the result and performance. In such circumstances, the wise move would probably be to head down the tunnel and say nothing. Not Marc though, who decided to give the fans a piece of his mind, and challenge the constructive criticism head on. From then on his card was marked.

 

Undoubtedly his best performance for Morton was in that glorious win in Glasgow's East End, but let's be honest, even Johnny Page played like Beckenbauer that night. The following Saturday, Morton went to Dens, lost and dropped to the bottom of the league, without rising for the rest of the season. Fitzpatrick was almost ever present in that gang, and matters reached a head with the support in a 0-2 defeat at Dumbarton when he took horrendous (some might say justified) abuse from a crowd that his old man found himself a part of. Que Mr. Fitzpatrick Snr offering folk outside and probably the biggest "shame game" Morton have had since the visit to Dumbarton in 2004. In March of that season, he captained the team, with some fans noting that it was a sad day in the club's proud history.

 

When we were eventually put out of our misery, so too was Fitzpatrick, who decided full time football was no longer his thing. A year to late. We did catch up with him pretty quickly though, given that our lowly status allowed us to mix with shite like Airdrie for a year. After their 1-0 win at Cappielow he was straight onto Twitter to express his delight at the result considering their opponents on the day. Pity for him that we went onto win the title whilst he's still slumming it. Get it up you, Marc.

 

[Toby]

So now we have the final.

 

Gentlemen, please cast your votes now for the biggest arsehole ever to represent our club. Will it be Mr James Grady or Mr Dean Matthew Keenan?

 

 

The deadline is 12pm on Sunday. Good luck to both in their search for the big prize.

[Stevie Aitken's Love Child]

Keenan is too irrelevant to win this. Has to be Grady. The snake's snake.

[GiGi]

Too much recency bias on show here. Dean Keenan is an arse but not the biggest arsehole to play for the club. Has to be Grady.

[irnbru]

Keenan is too irrelevant to win this. Has to be Grady. The snake's snake.

Dunno about that. Keenan summed up the generation of players that were terrible professionals.

[TONofmemories]

I switched my vote to Grady. If for no other reason that he's a wee ugly bastard. 

[TaunTon]

It was Grady at the start and should be at the end. Keenan is too pathetic to warrant an accolade even a dubious one.

[port-ton]

I wouldn't have either of these two as the last two, there for i've voted for Keenan due to the fact he blocked me on twitter.

[dunning1874]

Keenan is nowhere near relevant enough to win this. He's a complete bampot and was a disgrace of a professional, but that and not being good enough are pretty much it. If being a ned who's also shite and mouthy on twitter is the criteria to win we could pick dozens of players from the last 15 years. If it wasn’t for his recent outburst about Tumilty then he'd have only got two or three votes.

 

James Grady on the other hand is a complete fucking snake. Yes, admittedly a lot of the hate is down to his time as manager rather than as a player, but there's absolutely no contest between him and Keenan. It has to be Grady, although it should really be Allan McManus or Marc Fitzpatrick in the final two with him.

[port-ton]

I met Grady at the fans game at Cappielow when he was managing one of the teams in his own spare time and he seemed alright. He also got sacked directly after that game which i thought was a bit out of order.

 

Fitzpatrick should have won this at a canter for me.

[GiGi]

I met Grady at the fans game at Cappielow when he was managing one of the teams in his own spare time and he seemed alright. He also got sacked directly after that game which i thought was a bit out of order.

 

Fitzpatrick should have won this at a canter for me.

Thanks again for getting Grady sacked.

[port-ton]

Thanks again for getting Grady sacked.

 

What can i say, He'd lost the dressing room when he told us Donovan Simmonds was the best finisher at the club in training.

[centralTON]

Thanks again for getting Grady sacked.

Was it not you who got him sacked? It was you who scored the first goal in a 3-1 win for McManus's away team against Grady's home team.

 

Cheers.