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The KKK Bin Pub Review Thread


K K Kelbie

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The KKKelbie Bin Pub Review #6 - The Cloch Bar

 

One from way back in the heatwave when yours truly headed down from the Raploch for the weekend. The Cloch Bar is under new management which has given it some poncey name which won't grace this review. This was not a good sign. 

 

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The interior lacks the period features - plaster crumbling off the walls, an open ceiling - to stand out in this hotbed of true bin pubs. The main selling point is of course the view out to across the Firth of Clyde but this is spoiled in areas by trees which they should have cut down. Scandal of the century is the fact that they've failed to add a fucking beer garden which defeats most of the purpose for visiting. 

 

Good: The Cloch Bar has remained loyal to the Gourock standard of big boy measures. It claims to have the major sports channels but no event took place during the KKKelbie review.

 

Bad: It serves food and is more interested in this than being a bin pub - as catastrophic an error of judgment as not having a beer garden. The prices are not in fact cheap - £2.70 for a vodka with a dash of coke - and unlike the Cardwell they insist on providing only the legal maximum rather than hand pouring. There is no wine list at this establishment. 

 

Rating: 0.5Ks/3. Had potential to be a truly great bin pub only for the owners to get ideas above their station and make an arse of it. It appears to be directly competing with The Cardwell as a pub that does food, but The Cardwell's measures trump this place easily. Its drinks' selection and prices are in the same bracket as The Station Bar further down the coast, but this establishment has none of the authentic bin pub features. This place is largely pointless then and should be treated only as a pit stop if you've finished your carryout at Lunderston Bay and are heading into the Metropolis. 

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  • 1 month later...

Welcome back to the KKK Bin Pub Review - the only serial thread on the Morton forum that doesnt make you want to gouge your eyes out after seeing 20 pages of thrilling discussion over some s***ey draw with Montrose back in 1954. We have standards here 

 

The KKK Bin Pub Review #7 - The Hole in the Wa.

 

31713376_1828884117162093_91549869319127

 

A stalwart of Greater Greenock's bar scene for decades, the Hole in the Wa is a pub always recognised but rarely ventured into.

 

28166289_1754694954581010_85069549315931

 

The inside as viewed during a hectic service.

 

Good: The Hole in the Wa ticks all the basic requirements of a good bin pub.

- TV sports: all covered 

- food: absolutely none, as it should be

- big boy measures

- reasonable prices

- moderate threat of violence by the end of a Saturday evening

 

It also has Tartan Special on tap to add to the period features of the bin. 

 

Bad:

- Room for improvement on the wine list front

 

Verdict: 3Ks out of 3. This pub earns the KKK seal of approval for your bin pub needs in the heart of our bustling metropolis. Ditch the Belhaven hovel and use it or see Ciano Rebecchi turn it into another ****ing pointless gin bar instead.  

Edited by K K Kelbie
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Welcome back to the KKK Bin Pub Review - the only serial thread on the Morton forum that doesnt make you want to gouge your eyes out after seeing 20 pages of thrilling discussion over some s***ey draw with Montrose back in 1954. We have standards here

 

The KKK Bin Pub Review #7 - The Hole in the Wa.

 

31713376_1828884117162093_91549869319127

 

A stalwart of Greater Greenock's bar scene for decades, the Hole in the Wa is a pub always recognised but rarely ventured into.

 

28166289_1754694954581010_85069549315931

 

The inside as viewed during a hectic service.

 

Good: The Hole in the Wa ticks all the basic requirements of a good bin pub.

- TV sports: all covered

- food: absolutely none, as it should be

- big boy measures

- reasonably prices

- moderate threat of violence by the end of a Saturday evening

 

It also has Tartan Special on tap to add to the period features of the bin.

 

Bad:

- Room for improvement on the wine list front

 

Verdict: 3Ks out of 3. This pub earns the KKK seal of approval for your bin pub needs in the heart of our bustling metropolis. Ditch the Belhaven hovel and use it or see Ciano Rebecchi turn it into another ****ing pointless gin bar instead.

Does Rebecchi not own the worst pub in the town (Burns Lounge)?

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  • 1 month later...

The Lighthouse is shaming itself tonight. A good 50-odd Dundee United fans having a sing song and a good laugh with the Morton fans getting turfed out for such a heinous crime.

 

I’ve generally been quite loyal to that place after about 5.30 on a Saturday, but it’s time to pick somewhere else for my Saturday night helping of Sheffield United victories.

 

The wee fanny behind the bar screaming at grown men like they’re incolent school kids is enough for me.

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The lighthouse have our club's badge above the door but chased football fans out of the pub for nothing but enjoying themselves, not winding anyone up and bringing a bit of good atmosphere to the place. No need for the attitude of the staff.

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Peter Weatherson is the greatest player since Ritchie, and should be assigned 'chairman for life' 


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Get the landlord on here to explain himself imo. Trial by fire, peine et dure.

Here are the "directors" of The Lighthouse Bar (Greenock) Ltd:

 

https://beta.companieshouse.gov.uk/company/SC402065/officers

 

The messageboard owners all know what they seen. ;)

 

The effeminate bar manager on duty this evening was extremely disrespectful to around 50 paying customers, all of whom were good natured lads enjoying a beer and a sing-song before heading for the train. The same bar manager even told the Dundee United lads to 'Go Fuck off to another pub' amongst other things and even became abusive towards a Morton supporter who pointed out that he kicked out 50 folk for singing just ahead of a karaoke night. Preposterous. An off-duty member of bar staff even tried to pick a fight with the same person for leaving his empty pint glass turned upside down on the bar - which is a universal sign of poor service.

 

Credit where it's due to the Dundee United supporters, many of whom looked like tough lads, for showing a great deal of restraint when being treated in such a disgraceful manner. The DU lads could easily have taken offence and turned nasty on the bar manager and the bar staff.

 

With regards to this being a Morton pub or even a football pub, it isn't. They might have a club crest somewhere, they might have a few signed shirts on the wall, but they lack something that is the basic prerequisites for running a pub - that is respect and civility towards your clientele. This place merely want your money with no hospitable service in return.

 

I certainly won't be giving them any of my custom anymore and I know at least a dozen Morton supporters who think the same way after this evening.

Edited by capitanus
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Sometimes it best showing a bit of restraint, and when a pub is across the road from a police station that is one of those occasions. They are arseholes, theyre not worthy of the Morton badge on their walls, but not worth getting arrested for. Well done to all concerned.

 

Overall it was a great day and a good night, and dare I say it, even that dick having a complete meltdown when he could have made his bosses a good payday only added to the occasion.

 

After leaving that pub we went to a cracking wee pub, nice decor, lovely barstaff, perfect pints, decent prices, good tunes on the jukebox and even brought us some Pies and Sausage Rolls to accompany our drinks. It's well worth abandoning the Shitehouse to discover that place.

 

It's just a shame that their experience of the Shitehouse will be their lasting memory of Greenock for some of those Dundee United lads, for some that will be their first and last time in the town. They were decent folk, the same can't be said of the management of that place.

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After leaving that pub we went to a cracking wee pub, nice decor, lovely barstaff, perfect pints, decent prices, good tunes on the jukebox and even brought us some Pies and Sausage Rolls to accompany our drinks. It's well worth abandoning the s***ehouse to discover that place.

If you’re going to do a guest review then we need the pub’s name and details of its wine list.

 

Doesn’t sound like Cheers to me.

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If you’re going to do a guest review then we need the pub’s name and details of its wine list.

Doesn’t sound like Cheers to me.

We don't want the likes of you and Cartoon Head turning up and spoiling the atmos. It's unspoiled and it shall remain that way, unless someone else outs it. :rolleyes:

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The lassie that does the karaoke is a a door faced boot as well.

Another unhappy punter. This Shitehouse Bar isn't doing very well in the eyes of Morton supporters.

 

Maybe they should switch their allegiance to St.Mirren or the Old Firm, or become a local LGBT bar.

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