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Perhaps The Greatest Football Song Ever Written...

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#1 capitanus


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Posted 18 March 2018 - 01:19 AM

...I remember when this came out around the time of Euro96, it was never given any airplay (understandable) and it was slated in the papers, but it over 20 years later I realise this is the work of genius.

Not exactly Andicap Cameron giving it Yabadabadooo etc. Way more classy than that:


Lyrics here:

In every hick town in Caledonia
Across this pseudo nation
You can see the most fucked up scum
that was shat into creation
Where a blue McEwan's Lager top equals no imagination

You're hunbelievable
You're hunbelievable

What do they do with all the confiscated bevy,
The polis?
Buckets and bags of it?
Give it to the jakies? Nah.
Drink it themselves? Mibbe.
Give it back to the retailers
so they can sell it all back to us over again
The cunts
You're hunbelievable
You're hunbelievable

The mystery of Scottish sport
Is why we hate the English so.
I love the English very much
As long as they don't fuckin beat us
in the European nations cup
You're hunbelievable
You're hunbelievable

Sitting outside Wembley in '79,
Jock punks in London, massive carry out
Talking to a guy in an ice cream van
So drunk for weeks and we're goin
Way past the point of wantin tickets.
It would be horrendous now if someone
was to hand you a fuckin ticket

You'd have to leave all the bevy
outside the grounds by the polis dump bins
No fuckin way!
Ten minutes into the fuckin game
We'd be climbing up the walls to get out.
Fuckin hell.
Remember the banner "Alcoholism beats communism"
Well it beats the fuck out of football as well.

Think you're a success
Your psyche's a mess
Your economy is in distress

Sittin and waiting for the inevitable shut out
that never comes
Sittin and waiting for the inevitable shut out
that never fuckin comes
Functioning perfectly.