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The KKK Bin Pub Review Thread


K K Kelbie

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  • 3 weeks later...

The KKK Bin Pub Review #15 - The Horseshoe Bar

 

The Horseshoe has been a run of the mill bin pub for generations, serving jakeys who want another pint before falling on the last bus up the road. It even seen off The Rotunda as competition for that market. In its old guise it might have got a solid 1.5Ks for its effort. But a few months ago the chain pub landlord that owned the place decided to give it a makeover - news that always fills this punter with dread. On the outside the renewed Horseshoe is marked only by a new sign, inside however things have taken a turn for the worse:

 

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Bad

 

Lets start with the obvious. On this overcast, early Saturday evening visit, the Horsehose was lit up inside like the Cappielow pitch for a Scottish Cup tie. You should never behold the inside of any self respecting bin pub in full daylight, even if you've tarted the place up a bit with a lick of paint and some chairs. It should be a black hole, letting nothing in or out of its four walls. And you certainly don't want to see the regulars of a bin pub under spotlights that would even make John Leslie feel uncomfortable. And despite its false advertising you've got more chance of seeing a rocking horse doing a shite than live sport in The Horseshoe, unless its on 'the cooncil'. The Horseshoe also serves food which is always unacceptable - though as it is of the cheap and cheerful bar meals this only earns half a K off, rather than the full K for wannabe bistros. While its perhaps early days for the refreshed bin, there were also barely customers in the place on a prime Saturday evening. It doesn't look good. 

 

 

Good

 

Despite making a total fucking arse of its interior, The Horseshoe hasn't done the 'full Argyll' by trying to turn itself into a family-friendly, Prosecco and pink gin swilling, fucking gastropub. All the jakey delights remain on tap, including Tartan Special, and spirits remain respectably priced and in the big boy format. 

 

Verdict

 

0.5K/3

 

The Horseshoe was hardly a standout in the first place, but its recent tarting up has unsurprisingly made things much worse. By fucking about with the lights they have made a passable bin pub into a piss poor one - though with all the bin drinks holding out it's still worth a quick one if you're desperate. But without customers or really any point any more, the KKK Review will be surprised if it sees out the year. 

Edited by K K Kelbie
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  • 2 weeks later...

The KKK Bin Pub Review #16 - The Spinnaker

 

With summer on its way regular readers might be on the lookout for a wee bin pub in the sun. The Spinnaker is a popular destination on a summer's day but does it meet the standards required? In a word, no, but here's some more anyway. 

 

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The Spinnaker's interior lacks any proper bin pub period features such as crumbling walls or ceilings, puddles of half mopped-up pish or a shelf of books with the last pages ripped out and used for arse paper by a clatty regular. Its supposed unique selling point is the beer garden:

 

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which also happens to be a useless piece of shite as well. A couple of tables that get mobbed by gurning wankers as soon as the thermometer climbs, while the other half of the outside sits in the shade of the building. The bogging fumes and racket of the passing McGills charabanc completes the failure of yet another pub in West Greenock to have a proper outside drinking area.

 

The only good point that this place has to show for itself is big boy measurements but its direct competitor The Cardwell does extra large hand poured measures so even this is a failure. Nothing else from serving food to the exorbitant prices meets the standards of this humble reviewer from the Raploch. 

 

Verdict - 0.5Ks/3

 

An inferior drinks policy to the Cardwell fully merits The Spinnaker's place below it in the pecking order. Other than being the very last port in a storm, there is no need to waste your money in this establishment. Even The Kempock is a better choice than this. 

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The KKK Bin Pub Leaderboard

 

The Carnock - 4Ks/3

 

The Hole in the Wa 3/3

 

Monteith's 2.5/3

 

The Willow 2.5/3

 

The Green Oak 2/3

 

The Station Bar 2/3

 

The Old Wherry Tavern 2/3

 

The Star 2/3 (visitors' lounge) -3/3 (bhar)

 

The Cardwell 1/3

 

The Kempock 1/3

 

The Elbow Room 1/3

 

The Cloch Bar 0.5/3

 

The Horseshoe 0.5/3

 

The Spinnaker 0.5/3

 

The Darroch 0/3 - punished £10k for failure

 

--------------------------------

 

The Thistle (disqualified for morphing into a plastic paddy pub) 

 

The Burns Lounge (disqualified for being ****ing useless)

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Hard to see the point of the Spinnaker, it's in the arse end of nowhere with it's only redeeming feature - a supposed beer garden - being nothing of the sort.

 

Shame about the Horseshoe, used to quite like it but the horrendous makeover is surely the death knell for it.

AWMSC

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Hard to see the point of the Spinnaker, it's in the arse end of nowhere with it's only redeeming feature - a supposed beer garden - being nothing of the sort.

 

Shame about the Horseshoe, used to quite like it but the horrendous makeover is surely the death knell for it.

I went into the horseshoe before the engagement party and it was fucking miserable.

"CORNBEEF IS A BELLEND"

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Hard to see the point of the Spinnaker, it's in the arse end of nowhere with it's only redeeming feature - a supposed beer garden - being nothing of the sort.

 

Shame about the Horseshoe, used to quite like it but the horrendous makeover is surely the death knell for it.

Can I just say, I quite like the Spinnaker.

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*insert signature here*

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The only time I've drank in the Spinaker was on Decima Day. The Albert ran out of drink, and for some reason we ended up there. Not somewhere I'd rush back to.

Haha. That was a good day to be fair. I'm sure the guy form the Albert done a tesco run a few times then gave up.

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Haha. That was a good day to be fair. I'm sure the guy form the Albert done a tesco run a few times then gave up.

That was fun, every time you went to the bar you ended up with a different drink :lol:

 

'Paul give me a lager'

'I can do you a Guinness'

'No thanks, give me a vodka then'

'I can do you a Midori'

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You address me by my proper title, you little bollocks! 


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That was fun, every time you went to the bar you ended up with a different drink :lol:

 

'Paul give me a lager'

'I can do you a Guinness'

'No thanks, give me a vodka then'

'I can do you a Midori'

 

When everybody eventually left to head elsewhere, he reappeared in a taxi and said "come back, I've got two bottles of Glen's". Sorted, for 10 minutes.

AWMSC

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